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Friday, April 29, 2011

Stupid Things People Do On Facebook And Twitter

Stupid people are everywhere on the Internet.
With the massive proliferation of smart phones, laptops and other mobile devices, access to Facebook and Twitter can be 24/7. Some people feel they need to update us on their every move. It can be annoying, but there are some stupid things people do on Facebook and Twitter and it could be bad for them.

First off, pictures of you with a keg hose in your mouth might be seen by a potential employer - these days they check social networks to see who you really are. Leave drunken debauchery on your desktop or in a file, don't post it on the Internet.

NO DRUGS. You and a bong makes for a good picture. Better yet, you next to a six foot pile of weed. Hmmmm... and you wonder why the police keep circling your house.

You with someone other than your spouse is pure insanity. You probably follow Charlie Sheen on Twitter and bow at his every word. Adultery on your profile is not WINNING!

Another thing potential employers don't want to see is a video of you dancing around wearing a coconut bra and grass skirt, especially if you are a guy.

Peeling a banana with your mouth might get you a lot of hits on YouTube, but there might be other people who could make a character judgment based on your video.

Now that we've covered the dumbass pictures and videos. STATUS UPDATES and TWEETS!!!!

With the Internet, anyone can find out everything about you. All they need is your name. You're not safe just because your profile picture is of your dog and not you.

I had a guy that told me damn near everything about me one day in about twenty minutes. He knew where I lived, how much I paid for my house, what party I was affiliated with, whether I voted, what kind of vehicle I drove and more. All from his laptop.

There are people out there that are more devious and adept at phishing information about you than this guy. You need to be aware of that. Why?

When you post on Facebook and Twitter that you are going out of town or you're at some convention, a lot of people can see that. It means... YOU'RE NOT HOME. There have been tons of robberies reported that were linked back to the crooks being tipped to the homeowner's absence by Facebook status updates. Don't make yourself a victim, too.

I saw someone announcing they were out of town and at some airport. So I wrote a parody of an idiotic status update. Coaxed on by my friends, I added more and more comments to the thread.

The funny part was, several people thought I WAS out of town. LOL, LMAO and ;)>

Here is what I posted. I hope you enjoy it, but I also hope you learn from it. That's what this site is all about: Laughing and Learning.

Hi, I just wanted the world to know that I will be out of town for two weeks. We just got a new flat screen TV and left our BMW in the driveway. We left our gate unlocked for our gardener to show up, so don't worry about the plants. We've also taken our guard dog to a kennel. We left the upstairs window open so the house wouldn't get too stuffy.

A friend asked: some beer in the fridge i hope =]
•  
Fully stocked bar. And we have 600 lbs of steak in the freezer in the garage.

• 
The Playboy models will be showing up for a bikini shoot on Tuesday while we will still be away. It's by invitation only.
• 

We keep a key under the mat in the back, just in case you need to pick up the crystal for the party.

We've had a problem with one of the basement windows. It won't close. I'm afraid of water getting in and ruining our collection of over 100 Civil War guns. Have to fix that when I get back.
• 

We have Jimmy Hoffa in a storage shed in the basement. He's been frozen all these years and I hope the power doesn't go out while we're far, far away.
The trip is going great, but my wife is so upset that she left her 12 carat diamond necklace on the dresser. Next time she better concentrate on packing.
My wife just reminded me that my bank account pin number is 2368. I'm so glad. It's not at all like my social security number which is 255-45-9831
We had to come back early from our trip. Everything was gone. All that was left was the garage door laying in the driveway. Yeah, the WHOLE house was gone. I wonder how they knew we'd be out of town?
My wife is so pissed. She got a new cell phone 702-555-3472
Crap.... now we're getting crank calls. Wonder how that happened.

So, don't do the stupid things people do on Facebook and Twitter. You might wind up on this blog.         
 
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Fat People Plan March But Cancel Due To Lack Of Conditioning

Unidentified marchers.
A giant 200-yard march by twenty-six fat people was planned for this afternoon, but was abruptly canceled due to lack of conditioning. A sit-in is under consideration as an alternative.

Twenty-six fat people wanted their voices to be heard and planned on throwing their weight around over a rise in harassment by thinner people. A female leader of the group told us:

"We're sick of this. People make fun of us. We're being charged double fares on airlines. No movie seat will hold any of us. No one wants us to try and sit next to them on the bus. I'm tired of all the haters."

Another unidentified female member of the group said, "You should see the looks I get when I order six Big Macs at McDonald's. I don't need to be treated that way. I have feelings too."

We went back to the leader of the group and asked her why the march was so suddenly canceled.

"A group of us got together last night and looked down the street. Two hundred yards is a long way. Many of us got winded just thinking about it. But after a heated discussion, we decided that none of us was in good enough shape to complete the march within 24 hours, so we canned it."

"I heard you may be planning an alternate protest."

"That is correct. We decided we were much better suited to a giant sit-in. However, we've been having trouble finding a buffet that can accommodate us for an extended period of time. Plus, they wanted to charge us by the hour to sit and eat. We are still searching for a location that is fat friendly. This is worse than being black."

"You can't possibly compare the prejudice you receive to the civil rights movement."

"I would never want to say anything bad about a black person, and I would never sit on one, at least not intentionally, but we have it rough. I have a back problem and I can't go to the gym like everyone else. And my knees are bad."

"Well, why don't you just cut back on eating?"

"Then, I'd get hungry."

"That's a pretty common reaction to not eating."

"Oh, I can't imagine not eating when I'm hungry. And I'm hungry all the time."

"What if you planned activities away from your refrigerator? That should help."

"But if I get hungry, I get dizzy and then I'd have to go to a drive-thru window to make the headaches go away."

"I understand, but you could order less. That would be a start."

"You're just like the other haters. You don't understand the pain I go through. Six Big Macs is what it takes to make the headaches go away."

"Then, why don't you have your sit-in at McDonald's?"

"We can't. They won't let us inside after last week."

"Why is that?"

"None of us can fit in the booths, plus they accused us of stealing?"

"Stealing? Please explain."

"Well, one of my girlfriends got a chair stuck up her ass and didn't realize it. She walked out of the store and the security alarm went off."

"Oh my God. That must have been hilari... horrible."

"It was awful. It took three of those stupid teenage boys to pry the chair out. And they didn't even give us free fries for all the inconvenience."

"How rude of them."

"Yeah, they were haters too. So we go with $50 or $60 each to Taco Bell. They are much more politically correct than that stupid McDonald's."

"Yes, and Mexican food is so much more American these days."

"So, when will the sit-in happen?"

"As soon as we find a location that is open 24 hours and has food. I can't protest with a headache."

"But don't you think that some people have a right to pick on you because obesity is a choice."

"NO IT'S NOT!!!!!!"

"Well, look at the show Biggest Loser. They take obese people all the time, feed them right and get them to exercise and they all lose weight."

"That's because that bitch Jillian Michaels is a fucking Nazi. I know she worked in a concentration camp in World War 2."

"I don't think she is old enough to have worked in a concentration camp."

"Well, I know she is evil and I hate her. Plus I have a glandular disorder. A bitch like her wouldn't understand that."

"Speaking of concentration camps. Did you ever see any fat Jews hanging on the fence at Auschwitz? I mean, they were all bones and they had the same thing in common, lack of food. And no one seemed to suffer from a glandular disorder and remain fat in those conditions."

"That's because the Nazi's killed all the overweight people, first, before they ever got to the concentration camps."

"Why is that?"

"They said those with a slight weight problem filled up the boxcars too quickly and it took them longer to ship the other people to the camps. So they just shot them right there."

"I never quite saw that reported in any of the history books. But we can't waste our time any more here. Good luck with the sit-in. We'll be back if you ever find a location."

"You do that. Our cause for decency is not going away. It's getting worse. And the thought of all this makes me hungry.

So the giant fat people march was canceled due to lack of conditioning.

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Study Shows Unplanned Pregnancy Rate In Gay Community Is Zero

Drag Queen Loosy Leopard.
A government funded research study on unplanned pregnancy in the gay community has been completed. After three years and $3 Million the study showed that the unplanned pregnancy rate in the gay community was zero.

Unplanned pregnancy in the heterosexual community has dropped slightly, based on a study of women aged 15 to 44. The rate for unplanned pregnancy in 1981 was 54.2 unplanned pregnancies for every 1,000 women. That number dropped to 51 by the conclusion of the study in 2002. Teen unplanned pregnancy rates have dropped substantially during the 1981 to 2002 period, while it has increased for women 20 to 29 years.

Performing the study on the gay community was drag queen Loosy Leopard. We had a chance to speak with her regarding the study.

"How did you perform the study?"

"We held large parties and invited openly gay people to come. First, we had a party for the lesbians. We had lots of expensive wine and just the best damn caterer. By the end of the night the place was just one big sweaty orgy. Yet, no pregnancies came from all that wild juicy sex. We repeated these parties weekly for three years. Subjects for the study seemed to grow exponentially, once word got out."

"And what did you do for the men?"

"Pretty much the same things, but those naughty boys wanted champagne and a really big cake with a Scandinavian theme. Plus, those hussies wanted everyone to have matching designer suits. Oh... my ... God... they looked spectacular. All of those parties wound up just like the lesbian parties, in sweaty orgies. Oh, we had such a good time. We ran those parties on the weekend night that was open after planning the lesbian parties. Cuz you know, in the gay community, ladies cum first.... Hahahahahahaha."

"Didn't this seem like a large sum of money to spend on this study?"

"Honey, you have no idea what these bitches wanted. The dykes were pretty bad, too. But I wanted everyone to be happy."

"Isn't it biologically impossible for gay sex to produce children, planned or unplanned, anyway. And hasn't that been known for, like, a million years?"

"Oh, darlin', we wanted to be sure! We just needed to know. Being gay, you get so much crap. I can't believe this gay marriage thing has created suck a foofy response. I think the people opposing the queers are just not nice. Bad people. Bad people."

"But what did you hope to prove with the study?"

"We wanted to show that gay marriage would be a lower cost alternative to the sanctity of heterosexual marriage. If we don't produce unplanned pregnancies, we will have less people on the government teat. And the government has some nasty tits."

"I'm still not sure I understand."

"Sweetie pie, you are a bit dense aren't you? I wonder if you're as stiff below the belt? Hahahahaha... Anyway. This study gave us scientific proof that there will never be any shotgun weddings in the gay community. And my God, who would want to own a shotgun anyway. Plus, if gay people married and stayed monogamous, there should be a drop in the hiv."

"Hiv?

"H. I. V. you silly pants. Sometimes you straight people are just impossible. Don't you read a newspaper or see the news. HIV has been around for a while, honey. And it kills."

"Sorry, I misunderstood you."

"You have one little twisted up mind don't you. Or are you just playing dumb to get into my pants?"

"No, I'm straight, but my wives keep leaving me."

"Oh, honey, I'm so sorry to hear that. Maybe you're not packing the meat I was hoping."

"No, it had to do with my mental illness."

"Oh, baby cakes, that is just too funny. I mean L. M. A. O. on you."

"What's so funny?"

"Sugar, everyone used to think that being gay was a mental illness. In 1969 it was illegal to be homosexual, as they called it, in every state except Illinois. So in '69, you couldn't do 69 or you'd go to jail."

"I know, a lot has changed since then."

"But we still can't marry, and we'll keep fighting for our rights,  even if we have to have slap fights with all those crazy religious people."

"Yeah, I don't quite understand the opposition. We're supposed to have a separation of church and state. And the only thing keeping gay marriage from happening are some Bible verses."

"I know cookie. And it sucks. Speaking of...."

"Well, lets get back to the high cost of the study."

"Baby cakes, Dom Perignon does not grow on trees. And all those Armani suits for the fags cost a fortune. Plus, we gave all the lipstick lesbians Louis Vutton bags as a lovely parting gift. We gave the bull dykes power saws."

"Ok, so now I think I get it. You feel that gay marriage would be less of a burden to society because it would have zero unplanned pregnancies and no gay person would wind up on welfare due to the pregnancy."

"Oh, Mr. Einstein you are today, smoochie boy."

"And you also feel that the divorce rate amongst gay couples would be much lower and if they remain monogamous, we'd see a drop in the spread of HIV in the gay community."

"My... God... you are acting like a gay man after his first date. I'm so proud that you got it. I could just rub your body with oil and lick it all off."

"Thanks, but I've got to get back and write my blog."

"Bye, bye, honey donuts."

"Same to you Loosy."

This study may prove beneficial for the gay community in arguing their case for gay marriage in the court of public opinion, however, it will have to be decided at the polls or in the courts for gay people to earn the same rights as their straight counterparts. For now, the study shows that the unplanned pregnancy rate in the gay community is zero.

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Thursday, April 28, 2011

In-Depth Look At The Bloody Royal Wedding

Kate and her bloody Royal husband to be.
Young girls all over the world and most of Britain are anxiously preparing for the real-life fairy tale of the Royal nuptials. Today, I'll take an in-depth look at the bloody Royal Wedding on Friday, April 30th.

I'll be writing with the help of my assistant writer, Bubba. He's responsible for the facts regarding this affair.

Thrilled by tales of the princess meeting her prince have young girls all over the world in hysterical excitement over the marriage of Kate and Harry. Ah... "Bubba, isn't this supposed to be William?"

"So you want a bill?"

"No I just want the correct answer."

"OK, William it is. I guess."

Britain loves the Royals. Not sure why. But they do. I guess if you have them, you love them - kinda like that old dresser your grandmother gave you. It has some dents in it and could use a good dusting, but it's been around a long time, and you just can't get rid of it.

Anyway, the wedding will happen at either 1, 2 or 3 o'clock Royal Oceanic Time (ROT). I think.

All I know is that this grand ceremony will happen when most of the people in America will be sleeping. If you work third shirt, suffer from insomnia, have sleep disorders caused by mental illness or are a teenage girl, you'll see it.

Frankly, I can't see setting an alarm for this.

The bloody Royal Wedding will take place at either a palace or an abbey, "Which is it, Bubba, a palace or an abbey?"

"It's Buckminster Alley."

"OK, thanks."

Thousands of international media representatives will descend into Buckminster Alley to view the pageantry.

The bloody glorious wedding gown, estimated to cost around 1,800 British Pounds - which is approximately $90 US Dollars - will be made by a designer with a crazy haircut. "Bubba, do we know her name?"

"Nope. Don't know. Don't care."

"Good enough."

So some bloody designer is making the bloody dress.

Sir Elton John will be decked out in plumage that will outshine the princess to be.

"Hey, Roger, don't forget about NASCAR."

Oh yeah. The bloody Royal procession will be sponsored and provided by NASCAR. To keep with English tradition, all of the cars will turn right for 22 consecutive hours around Trafalgar Square.

At the bloody reception, a buffet of traditional English over-boiled meats and vegetables will be served. Haggis by request, only.

"Hey, Roger! This just in..."

OK, Bubba has just handed me an important news release from London. One of the attractions at the bloody Royal Wedding will be 32 naked male midgets cramming into a 2009 Red and Black Mini Cooper with Z-rated tires and spinners on the wheels.

The midgets were all grateful that showers and shaving were required prior to the last several practice sessions. It seems in earlier practices that many of the midgets complained of razor burn on their naughty parts and some foul odors within the car. Clean shaves, showers and talcum powder have made recent practices go much smoother.

Now, back to the bloody wedding.

"Bubba, do we know anything else about this bloody wedding?"

"There was one a while ago, but they got divorced, and she died."

"Oh, awful news."

"Not sure if the Queen was married. Have you seen her? May have been a virgin birth with regard to her kids."

"Bubba, do we know anything else?"

"Yeah, Celebrity Fly Fishing comes on at the same time as the bloody wedding. I'm settin' my alarm for that."

And I'll be sleeping. God save the Queen. I hear she drinks and we don't want to find her in Buckminster Alley with a broken hat.

And that concludes our in-depth look at the bloody Royal Wedding on Friday, April 30th, around 1, 2 or 3 ROT.

PS - Someone brought it to my attention that the date is wrong on this post. Is ANYTHING right with this post? I hope you laughed.


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Government Should Require Warning Labels On Mobile Homes

Mobile homes for the rich. We're movin' on up.
Earlier this year, the Consumer Protection Agency banned baby cribs with side rails because there were 30 deaths attributed to the cribs in the last 10 years. That’s what the CPA does, ban stuff or mandate warning labels. With the recent spate of tornados throughout the South, which has caused many deaths and injuries, the government should require warning labels on mobile homes.

If the Consumer Protection Agency was doing its job, warning labels on mobile homes should have been implemented a long time ago. On every mobile home, the following warning label should be right near the door:


WARNING!
In the event of a tornado, evacuate this mobile home immediately. DO NOT seek shelter under the mobile home. If you remain in this structure during a tornado, you will not be transported to OZ and meet the Wizard. You will be transported to the morgue and you will meet your Maker. 


Another warning label should be:

WARNING!
In the event of a flood, you can use this mobile home as a flotation device.


There are other warning labels that should be placed throughout the interior of the mobile home. Like in the living room:

 WARNING! 
If you cover your entire body in tattoos and 
fall on the factory installed paisley carpet, 
no one will be able to find you.



A warning label on the water bed in the bedroom:

WARNING!
Do not attempt to sleep or have sexual intercourse in this water bed wearing a spiked dog collar. It could cause a puncture to the water bed, which would result in drowning your drunken partner.


Another warning on the dresser where the owner keeps their wallet:


WARNING!
Living in a mobile home means that you will probably consider purchasing all of your furniture from Wal-Mart, garage sales or junkyards.


In the living room, where the 97” flat panel TV is:


WARNING!
Do not attempt to share television antennas with your neighbors or steal their cable connection. In the event of a lightning strike, your big ass TV will explode and kill your two-headed dog.


In the kitchen:


WARNING!
Cockroaches are not edible.


On the refrigerator:


WARNING!
If the food inside this refrigerator is more than 2 years past its expiration date, it can be used to induce vomiting or cleanse your colon - stock up on toilet paper.


On the oven door:


WARNING!
Roasting raccoons, squirrels, skunks, beavers or possums in this oven will void its warranty and leave a really horrible odor in your mobile home.


For the garbage disposal:


WARNING!
Do not try to retrieve your gold tooth from this garbage disposal while it is operating. It could result in damage to the tooth and the loss of another finger.


On the factory installed carpeting:


WARNING!
Blood stains are hard to remove.
Do all yer killin’ outside.


On the bathroom mirror:


WARNING!
Objects may appear more intelligent than they really are.


For the bathroom, on the toilet:



WARNING!


If this toilet has overflowed, 
DO NOT FLUSH AGAIN!

On the shower:


WARNING!
This shower cannot be used as a substitute in the event the toilet is plugged. None of the knobs inside this shower have the ability to flush it, no matter how much you drink.


Another label for next to the front door on the inside:


WARNING!
Do not discharge firearms or set off fireworks inside this mobile home. Only do that inside your truck, where you can open all the windows.


And finally, right next to the front door on the outside:


WARNING!
This mobile home could contain dumbasses.


And now you know why the government should require warning labels on mobile homes.




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Pissy People Don’t Find Me Funny And The Fans I Don’t Want

Bitch, bitch, bitch. Shut up and go away.
I performed stand-up comedy from 1989 to 1997, and have been writing humorous material since 1995. Over all those years, I’ve learned that pissy people don’t find me funny. I’ve also uncovered the fans I don’t want.

Pissy people are hard to crack. I’ve been able to snuggle a snort from some of the toughest rednecks and bikers. I’ve made fat guys chortle, women giggle, old ladies shake and fart, college kids howl, Mormons snicker, Catholics blush, Atheists screech OMG, and did it all in the spirit of fun. However, those damn pissy folks keep gritting their teeth and staring.

I think when pissy people come to my blog they bite their mouse or punch their screens.

One thing I’ve learned about pissy people is that the closer to the truth I am, the madder they get. It’s called striking a nerve. Oh yeah, zap that nerve. And once I see where your nerves are, I’m coming back at the same thing until you collapse or leave.

Sorry, union rules for humorists.

After so much time on the stage, writing a blog with humorous posts is like stand-up in time delay. I write the piece, post it and then a few hours or a day or two later I get all kinds of positive feedback, LOL, LMAO, ROFL, Hahahahahaha and other Internet laughing code.

Since I figured out how to use the hashtags (# sign) on Twitter, I’ve been able to get more feedback in real time – or relatively real time.

It may sound funny, but I get a “feeling” or sense a “mood” from the tweets I get in reply. And invariably, there are a couple people that you can tell are just mad, angry, MF’ers. Their replies are, “You call that humour?” (Hint… that one came from England. They can’t spell English over there.)

If you’re a pissy crab, piss off and go stalk someone else. I don’t need you or want you. I’m here to party and throw in some interesting, thoughtful stuff so that our IQ’s don’t drop too much through the course of the day.

Another group of people I don’t want are racists.

I did a comedy gig in the early 1990’s in Orangeburg, South Carolina. It was one of the strangest shows I ever worked. We were performing at a bar, not a comedy club – this was a common venue in the 1990’s – a bar. We performed to a large room full of chairs set up like it was a business conference at a hotel. There was an aisle down the middle of the chairs, leading directly to the microphone.

As the crowd shuffled in, something really strange happened. All the black people sat on the left side and all the white people sat on the right side. Everyone on the left was dressed in their Sunday best. On the right was a collection of stereotypical rednecks. It looked like someone had shoved Larry The Cable Guy into a copy machine and made a hundred guys and gals that looked exactly like Larry. Besides the missing buttons and sleeves on the right, there were a lot of missing teeth.

As the show commenced, the black people on the left were laughing their asses off. The seedy crowd on the right didn’t get a lot of the jokes. I felt like I was winging Frisbees over their heads. I was hoping one would catch a Frisbee in his mouth and I could give him a treat.

After the show, the black people nodded approval and cleared out of the bar rather quickly. I was left with the Larry clones. One walked up to me and said, “How do you like the way we got our niggers trained?” Being 1,500 miles from home, alone and having a pocket full of cash from the gig, I didn’t want to show him my “You’re a dumbass” T-shirt.

I couldn’t believe he said that. And Goober wasn’t finished. He added, “You seen those slave shacks out along the highway. Well, we’s keepin’ ‘em there so those niggers know where they may wind up again.” Fortunately, I never did that gig again.

Sometimes you need someone with a bit of wisdom to get your head straight. My ex-father-in-law said, “You’ll never screw my daughter again.”

Besides that, he used to say, “Every person I meet is a superior to me at something.” So, he taught me to value everyone. Even Goober. Who knows, maybe I’d want to learn how to fish with a used tampon as bait. I’m sure he’d know.

Not everyone will love me. And I won’t love everyone back. I’m just looking for a small niche of one to two million people that think I’m hilarious. If you are in that group, raise your hand, now. OK… you need to check your deodorant before you come back here.

And that’s why pissy people don’t find me funny. And you also know the fans I don’t want.

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Stop Funding Planned Parenthood, Abortions And Birth Control

Give me a shot. I could be somebody special.
One of the items in the ongoing government budget battle is the funding of Planned Parenthood and other government supported abortion clinics. We have so many other needs. It's time to stop funding Planned Parenthood, abortions and birth control - except in the cases of rape and incest.

I can tell from the opening paragraph that there will be a whole bunch of women really ticked off with me. But hear me out.

Pregnancy is a choice. You made a choice to have sex. Becoming pregnant might have been an accident. You got yourself into the problem. Pay for the solution yourself.

However, mental illness and mental retardation are not choices. They are conditions that people have to struggle with their entire lives.

During the Reagan years, most of the state mental hospitals were closed. Thousands and thousands of patients were literally dumped on the street.

Now, most mentally ill people will see a judge before they see a psychiatrist. Untreated, they are locked up for vagrancy and a variety of crimes. Sometimes the crimes are extremely serious, like rape or murder. They are sick and they need help.

Mentally retarded children did not choose to be the way they are. Their parents wonder what will happen to their child after they pass on. It's a lot to worry about.

Over the last several years, funding for the mentally ill and mentally challenged has steadily dropped. With state budget shortfalls causing layoffs of teachers, police and government workers across the country, there is no money left for those who need it most.

I propose that we take the money that goes to support Planned Parenthood and other government funded abortion clinics and use it to help the mentally ill. I just want the money to be spent more productively than reproductively.

Oh, the horror stories of back room abortions and victims of sex crimes and on and on. Well, those people are mentally ill that rape and murder. The pregnant girl made a bad choice, in most cases.

I lost a ton of money in the stock market and it ruined my life. It wouldn't make sense to have the government reload my bank account. I made the mistakes, I pay the price.

If you want to be Pro-Choice, choose to avoid pregnancy.

Take a hard look at who really needs help and I think you'll agree we need to stop funding Planned Parenthood, abortions and birth control and help the mentally ill and retarded.

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How To Start A Blog | Marketing Your Blog To Get Traffic

If you've been following this How To Start A Blog series, you should have a blog, a couple posts, basic gadgets, an understanding of keywords, Search Engine Optimization SEO techniques, a Privacy Policy and some way of monetizing your blog. You've built the car. Now, let's drive it. And you do that by marketing your blog to get traffic.

If you did not understand something in the first paragraph, you need to go back and complete the earlier lessons. Taking this course from the beginning is in your best interest. You can find all of the lessons under the MAKE MONEY tab at the top of the blog or click here.

Marketing is the process of giving potential visitors to your blog the opportunity to click a link and get there. It can be done several dozen ways, and you should try to employ as many of those tactics as possible.

Email Marketing

When you first start your blog and get some decent content on your blog worth sharing, you can email the blog posts to your friends. Keep in mind that if you do this all the time with every post, you will be considered a spammer. Make sure you have at the bottom of your email an "opt-out" procedure, such as "Reply to this email with REMOVE in the subject line." Then make sure you remove that person from your list.

Blogger has an option to allow visitors to sign up for emails of your posts. It is run through Feedburner. Feedburner is a Google product that offers you a number of options to help promote your blog, track views, set up subscriber and syndication of your blog, plus a lot more. I have not fully utilized Feedburner at this point. But is something you should put on your To Do List for the future.

Facebook

Facebook is where I started sharing posts from my blog. At the bottom of your blog post are buttons. Click on the Facebook symbol, add a comment if you want and SHARE. It will show up immediately on your profile and on the News Feed.

Facebook marketing works if you have a lot of friends. If you don't have a lot of friends, work on cultivating them. I click on a few new people from the "People You Might Know" suggestions. I don't know them, but I'm not looking to go out with them - I want readers.

Comment a lot on Facebook. If your comments are funny, that will attract more people to you.
Even if you have a shortage of friends, you can still harness the power of Facebook by signing up for Networked Blogs. This is a free service through Facebook. It exposes your blog to tons of other bloggers around the world.

In the setup for Networked Blogs, you can select an option to have your blog post automatically shared on the News Feed on Facebook and posted to your profile. You want this. You also have the option to have you post automatically sent out on Twitter - YOU DON'T WANT THIS - and I'll explain later.

I completely forgot about Networked Blogs through the process of working on this site. I just signed up a week ago and my Facebook traffic has more than quadrupled in just a week.

Readers of the Networked Blogs can vote on the blogs. Rising in popularity will get you more traffic. Having a blog plastered with ads and weak content won't get you anything. So, make content a priority. Good content will attract followers.

I recycle posts on Facebook, too. After I've done the two to four posts I do each day, I'll shoot out an oldie from a month ago. Or if I'm going to be spending time researching for a post, I'll shoot out a couple more older posts. Different people view FB at different times. Recycle a few older posts before you go to work or class, drop a couple more at lunchtime, one more around dinner time and one before you sign off for the day.

You have to have a cache of content to do this without being a repetitive jerk. It all depends on how much you have in the can. I've done about 80 posts this month and the month has a few more days left. I produced 46 posts in three weeks in March. So, I have a storehouse of posts. Some are topical or outdated already, but there are plenty of other choices to share again.

Once you start to get some decent traffic to your blog and you feel like you are getting a following, set up a Facebook Fan Page. I just set one up in the last couple days. Go to it, click LIKE and see what is there.

Twitter

It used to be relatively easy to get followers on Twitter. But Twitter changes have made it hard to get followers. So, you have to try a different tack.

I've been on Twitter for years, but never understood the hashtags (# sign) and how they work. Since I figured it out a couple weeks ago, my traffic from Twitter has gone up about 50 times.

Here's why you don't want Networked Blogs to automatically fire off a tweet of your post on Twitter. It will send the tweet without any hashtag categories, and you most definitely want those.

How the hashtags work are you pick target audiences that you want to hit. There are hashtag topics for just about everything. I wrote a post about Atheism. So I went to the search box at the top of Twitter and typed in #Atheism. There were a lot of people there. I did the same for several other keywords.

Once I had my list in mind, I manually used the Twitter button at the bottom of the post and then added all the hashtagged topics. In the case of the Atheism piece. I was adding #Atheism #Atheist #God #Christians #Religion #faith #Jesus - as many as I could fit in.

Adding these hashtag topics exposes your post to a whole new diverse group across the net. Right now, I don't have many followers on Twitter. However, since I've been using Twitter and the hashtags, I've picked up about 80 followers in the last couple weeks. Follower growth becomes exponential the more you get. They start retweeting your posts and all hell breaks loose... a good problem to have. Follow me on Twitter.

One of the best things you can do on Twitter is be controversial, outrageous or funny and that will bring people to you. If you're just a plain dickhead, then you won't get far. But controversy has two sides to it. One side will stand behind you, the other will want to kill you. Don't let this golden marketing opportunity pass.

Nothing attracts a crowd better than a fight on Twitter. If you're smart and your written swordsmanship is swift and deadly, you can get a ton of hits to your blog, just by having a tweet slug fest.
Make sure you have your link that you want to promote or the link that caused all the problems in the first place and add as many hashtags as you can into the tweet. Your opponent will probably do the same to try and get supporters.

Twitter will automatically compress your links when you use the buttons at the bottom of your post. However, if you are working from the Twitter window, you will need to compress your link. To do that, you use is.gd. I love this. You copy and paste your link into the main slot, click COMPRESS and you get a nice, neat link that is highlighted and ready for you to copy.

YouTube

Some very successful Internet marketers have integrated YouTube videos into their message. They've offered lessons, rants, speeches and more on YouTube and then linked the videos back to their blog or website. Google Video just went away last week. But YouTube can offer you another way to generate traffic to your site.

Other Social Sites

There are sites like digg, StumbleUpon, and a couple dozen others where you can setup an account and share your posts there or create links in comment fields back to your blog posts. I'm still trying to figure out StumbleUpon and right now I'm not willing to take the time. Get connected on other social sites. It's like opening more stores across town.

Article Sites

This topic was discussed in the lesson on Search Engine Optimization SEO. If you want a comprehensive list of article sites, see the MAKE MONEY tab on this blog.

At these sites, you can write articles and post links back to your site or specific posts. Each site has different rules. This is an ongoing project. Add it to your To Do List and work on it a little at a time.

Keywords and Search Engine Optimization SEO

I can't stress how important this is. You need to go back and read the two lessons on these topics over and over until you fully understand them. Without the ability to get some posts high in the search engines, you're going to plug along and not get very far.

Networking

If you have friends on Facebook or on Twitter that have huge amounts of friends or followers, you need to tap into them. Ask them to share your post with their friends or retweet your tweet - both exposing you to a much larger audience.

I currently have a number of friends that are starting to help me broaden my reach on the net. An old comedy buddy in Pittsburgh has written a book. He has a literary agent. He also knows influential people on the west coast. My buddy turned on another old comedy friend of ours in New York City to my stuff and he loves it. He's talking about making short films out of some of the comedy posts.

You never know where another person can take you. So, share, share, ask, retweet, network, connect - do them all.

Putting It All Together

I started this blog in July of 2010. I only had a couple posts in July. In August of 2010, I had 9 posts and got 233 page views. I only posted 8 times in three weeks in September and had around 228 page views. Then, I quit my blog due to personal health reasons. Page views bounced between 49 and 79 in my absence.

On March 7th, 2011, I started posting like a mad man. I've done a lot of the things I've mentioned above, but not all.

My strategy was to focus on a couple of topics that I knew were popular and try to get high placement in the search engines. I really worked hard on my keywords and how the blog posts were written. I hit three or four hot topics and have stuck with them. They bring in about 1/4 of the traffic. But I have all the other posts that bring in 50 or 100 or 200 page views. And I have posts that are lucky to get 10 page views.

In February, I had 49 page views on my blog. Working my strategy, in three weeks of posting in March, I wound up with 1,589 page views. This month, the machine started to kick in. I'm over 13,000 page views already and there are still several days left in the month. I might hit 15,000.
So, if you wonder if what I'm telling you works, just look at the numbers - 49 page views in February, over 13,000 and still counting in April - seven weeks later.

Now, I need to get 13,000 page views a day and things will be looking real good.

Hard work, good content, having a few big draws and consistently posting and reposting has gotten me to this point. You can do it to. It takes a lot of effort. But it can be done.

No single strategy will do it all for you. If you get a few page views from one place and a few more from another place and you tune up your Facebook and Twitter marketing, you start to accumulate a lot of page views.

I had no idea I'd be where I am after just seven weeks. But I see how the machine works and I'm feeding its burner every day - marketing my blog to get traffic.

BTW - the money is still small, but I make money every day now. It will only get better.

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Wednesday, April 27, 2011

How To Get A Marketing Master Mindset

Blog page views go through the roof in seven weeks.
Two of the biggest reasons businesses fail is that they are either under-capitalized or they have a bad marketing plan. A lousy product or service will sink you, too. Let's say your product or service is great. Now, you need to know how to get a marketing master mindset.

I'm not a college educated marketer. I learned everything I know from observing what the people with all the big ad and marketing budgets did, reading books and a lot of common sense. Plus, a good dose of understanding what makes people react emotionally and some street smarts also helped me.

My former wife and I had an advertising agency we ran from our home in Las Vegas called Blazic Design. We started with a handful of clients. Our job was to create ads, commercials, brochures and sales materials for our clients. My wife did the graphic design, I wrote the copy and pitched the ideas.

Our #1 client, though, was Blazic Design. We had to market ourselves. And we did a fabulous job of it. Most people thought we were this huge agency - not just two people working out of a house.

As business grew, we brought in partners to help us perform the services we needed, like web design, illustration, public relations, video production and editing.

I was a master networker. I found the right places to go and shake hands, pass out business cards and make new contacts. We wound up with a marquee list of clients in Las Vegas - not an easy thing to do.

Today, my business is this blog. I use the same principles to promote this blog and it has worked out beyond my wildest dreams.

I started this blog in July of 2010. I made a few posts, but really didn't get writing until August of 2010. I had 233 page views that month. At the end of September, I wound up in a mental hospital for the last week of the month and page views fell slightly. Then, I quit blogging for five months. In February 2011, my page views were 49. I started blogging again on March 7th, a week into the month.

Applying what I knew about marketing on the web, I was able to get page views up to 1,589 for the three weeks I worked. This month, things have gone through the roof. I kept doing what I knew worked. So far this month, I'm just under 13,000 page views for the month. It's a good start.

How did I do it? The same way you can do it with your business - guerrilla marketing tactics that get lots of exposure.

If you have a brick and mortar business, you'll have to come up with creative ideas on your own, but the concept is simple - create a way to get in front of as many people as possible at a low cost. Think hard. It's worth everything you're working for.

Here, I treat this blog like a grocery store. There are certain posts I know I can do and dominate top positions in the search engines. Those are my loss leaders. They're the 2-liter bottles of Coke for 99¢. The posts pull in lots of traffic. Whether you have a blog or a store or a booth at a trade show, you want traffic. I have three or four cornerstone areas that bring me traffic. Around those posts, I write all the stuff that I really want to write. Not saying that I don't like the other topics, but I'm really about sharing ideas and being a humorist. You should either laugh or learn something when you stop here. That is my brand message. It's right at the top of the blog.

Next, I learned a lot from my former boss at Swan Advertising in Las Vegas, Steve Swan. Steve used to tell this story about three retail shops located side-by-side. The store on the right put up a giant sign that said, "HUGE SALE" the store on the left put up a bigger sign that said, "MAJOR DISCOUNTS" and the store in the middle put up a sign that said, "MAIN ENTRANCE". This is out of the box thinking.

Karina Smirnoff pictures were bringing in hoards of visitors. So I wrote another post about her with a strategically designed title: Nude Naked Playboy Pictures Of Karina Smirnoff Cause Search Frenzy On Websites And Blogs.  I noticed that traffic was coming to my blog via searches for "Karina Smirnoff naked" or "Karina Smirnoff nude". The last post has only one picture of Karina Smirnoff, but it has links to the pictures. Now, the pictures post has a list of my humorous articles before the last picture. It's retail marketing -  the more they see, the more you sell.

This whole blog is set up with that philosophy in mind. You can SEE the top posts for the last 30 days, 7 days and all-time. You can SEE the post archives. You can SEE the last five posts. In other words, show your wares. You want to sell products, not keep them a secret.

Another thing I've learned is how to market the way casinos in Las Vegas market. The casinos know that people will be coming in for shows and other attractions at the casino. So, the casino operators put as many slot machines and gaming tables in the way as possible. You can't get to anything without climbing over machines and other ways to lose your money. Restaurants are buried behind walls of slot machines. Plus, there never seems to be a way out, once you get in. No windows - can't tell if it's day or night. No clocks - you're certain to miss bedtime. And they pump extra oxygen into the air to make you feel good. Free drinks help, too.

The Vegas brand should be emulated by anyone that deals with the general public - make the guest feel special. In Vegas, everyone is a VIP - even if you just got off the bus from Des Moines with $50 in your pocket. "Come in, Mr. Duefus. Sit right here. We'll have a large breasted woman over in a second to get your drink order." Vegas knows how to treat their guests. I'd like to see grocery stores, coffee shops and restaurants in the rest of the country attempt to adopt the same philosophy.

I use Facebook extensively. I built a large cadre of friends around the world by playing games and helping my fellow game players get what they wanted. In the end, I got more than I expected. Now, I have a large group of people who I can share my blog posts with.

I think every company should have a blog. To me it would be a must in my marketing strategy.

I use Twitter, too. Every post that is shared on Facebook gets shot out on Twitter with appropriate hashtags (using the # sign in front of a word). This month, I finally figured out how to use the hashtags and my Twitter traffic has dramatically increased.

I also recycle older posts. Different people are on Facebook and Twitter at different times, so I will take older posts and shoot them out again. To the reader, this could be my latest. They don't know.

Don't forget word of mouth, either. I've put out a lot of posts in the last seven weeks - a lot. But I've had my stuff reposted on the Huffington Post, Twitter Daily and a number of other sites. Word is getting around. Ironically, there are searches almost daily for me, specifically. Yes, people are searching for "Roger Blazic" - might be the IRS or someone that I owe money to. That's called building name recognition.

If you want to learn how to employ the blog tactics that I use to your Internet blog or enterprise, go through the blog course I've been writing called: How To Start A Blog.

At every turn, you should be dreaming up new ways to expose what you have to potential customers, clients or readers.  

Now you know how to get a marketing master mindset.

Posts mentioned in the article:

I'm Back Blogging. Insane Asylums and I Must Be Crazy.
Karina Smirnoff Pictures. Playboy Cover and More From Dancing With The Stars Dancer
Nude Naked Playboy Pictures Of Karina Smirnoff Cause Search Frenzy On Websites And Blogs
Make Money - How To Start A Blog Course 

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Two PBS Programs Are A Must See To Understand Gay Experience In America

Gay rights in America have a long way to go.
This week, if you're looking for something fascinating and enlightening on television or to view online, two PBS programs are a must see to understand the Gay experience in America. 


Stonewall Uprising

The first program is part of the American Experience series, which runs regularly on PBS. It is titled "Stonewall Uprising".

This documentary profiles the event that launched the gay rights movement in America - an uprising at the Stone Wall Inn gay bar in New York City in 1969.

In 1969, homosexuality was a crime in all fifty states except Illinois. Being outed as a gay or lesbian person could wind you up in jail, cost you your job, get you thrown out of your dwelling and would also subject you to severe public abuse or even death.

You'll see how the Mafia took over and ran all of the gay bars in NYC, paid off the police and took advantage of its customers.

Being gay in 1969 was dangerous and could have fatal consequences. I highly recommend seeing this show so that you will get a better understanding of how things began in the gay rights movement in America. 1969 was a tumultuous time in America and the tinder was ripe for a spark. Stonewall Uprising is the result and shouldn't be missed.


Anyone and Everyone

Originally produced in 2007 by Susan Polis Schutz, this PBS program profiles a broad spectrum of parents of gay children and their children. It deals with the experience of accepting a gay child. The following came from the Anyoneandeveryone.com website. 


Connected by having a son or daughter who is gay, parents across the country discuss their experiences in the documentary Anyone and Everyone. In it, filmmaker Susan Polis Schutz, depicts families from all walks of life. Individuals from such diverse backgrounds as Japanese, Bolivian, and Cherokee, as well as from various religious denominations such as Mormon, Jewish, Roman Catholic, Hindu, and Southern Baptist, share intimate accounts of how their children revealed their sexual orientation and discuss their responses. 

The parents also talk about struggling with the pain of their sons and daughters dealing with not being accepted by relatives or friends, and being ostracized by religious congregations. 
"It was so evil and so bad that we almost couldn’t talk about it... You just had the idea it was so terrible that it was unspeakable," said a Mormon mother in the film.

"Having heard all these awful things and what homosexuality was and then having a member of your family, a person that you have seen, a child that you have seen since the child was born, a person that was absolutely wholesome, good, kind, gentle and that put together with the word lesbian didn’t add up," said a hispanic mother.

This film is especially important since up to 26% of gay teens who come out to their parents or guardians are told they must leave home. Of the approximately 1.6 million homeless American youth, 20-40% identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender. Nearly 40% of LGBT (GLBT) students report being physically harassed. In a 2001 Department of Health study of youth in Massachusetts, about 40 percent of gay and lesbian students attempted suicide, compared to about 10 percent of their heterosexual peers.
I could not locate the video on the PBS website or online. Although the Anyoneandeveryone.com site does have a way to acquire the film. I think it is also available on Amazon and eBay. 


Below is the trailer for the video, taken from YouTube.




What touched me most in this film was the Mormon mother's challenge of accepting her gay son. Being a second or third generation Mormon family, this was a big shock to her and to her husband. However, the way they proceeded with such logic, grace, reasoning and love is worth the time to watch this program.

A line the Mormon mother offered best summed up the gay experience. "It's not about sexuality. It's about how we love. ... What people do in their bedroom is their own business, but everyone needs someone to go to the pharmacy to pick up medication, everyone needs someone to share the popcorn with, everyone needs someone to grow old with, everyone needs and should have the right to love."

We still have a long way to go in America to grant the gay community the same rights as their heterosexual counterparts. There is still a lot of hate and misunderstanding. If you're confused or have questions, I recommend these two PBS programs. They are a must see to understand the Gay experience in America.


Links to:

PBS American Experience: Stonewall Uprising 
Anyoneandeveryone.com

Related article:
Facebook Protection Of Marriage Page Hacked. Hysterics Ensued.

Gay Man Comes Out Of Closet As A Heterosexual

Study Shows Unplanned Pregnancy Rate In Gay Community Is Zero

 


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Madden 12 Cover Decision on April 27. Vote for Peyton Hillis of the Cleveland Browns.

Peyton Hillis of the Cleveland Browns.
This is a last ditch effort to "get out the vote". Voting is still being accepted for the Madden 12 Cover photo. Voting will end later today and be announced on ESPN tonight. Vote for Peyton Hillis of the Cleveland Browns.

Vote here.

There is a bit of prejudice in my plea. I live in Cleveland and grew up here. I've lived through the downs of the Browns - very few ups to report. However, this past season, which ended with a pitiful 5-11 record had one huge bright spot - Peyton Hillis.

After acquiring Hillis from the Denver Broncos, who had given up on him, Peyton Hillis pounded, kicked, stomped, jumped and plowed his way in brutish fashion to a total of 1,177 rushing yards and 11 rushing TD's. He also had 477 receiving yards and 2 receptions for touchdowns.

In Cleveland, we love him. He's rough and rugged and really embodies the hard-nosed town that Cleveland is.

Hillis is in the finals against Michael Vick. Vick had a great year after returning to football following a prison stint for running illegal dog fights. So, he's a convicted felon. Need I say more? If Pete Rose can be banned from baseball and the Hall of Fame for placing bets, Michael Vick should not be playing football for killing dogs. But the NFL is much more lenient than MLB.

I don't have a problem with Vick playing again, I simply think that Pete Rose got a bad deal and there are better role models than Vick. Peyton Hillis is a role model that you'd be proud to have your child emulate.

So, get out the vote. Vote now and pass this on to all of your friends. It's down to a ferocious runner and a felonious passer. Vote now for Peyton Hillis of the Cleveland Browns.

Vote here. 

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Facebook Protection Of Marriage Page Hacked. Hysterics Ensued.

Louis J. Marinelli
On Saturday, April 23, 2011 a Facebook protection of marriage page was hacked and hysterics ensued. What is interesting is what is going on in the aftermath.

Saturday, I spotted on my Facebook News Feed the One Man, One Woman Fan Page, and there were dozens and dozens of comments. What was causing all the ruckus? The photo for the page had been changed to a picture of the owner of the page with the headline: Everyone Should Be Allowed To Marry. Join me. 

At the time, people were speculating that the page was hacked. Comments were fast and furious.

"I didn't sign up for this."
"You are representing something fraudulent"
"I'm dropping my membership to this page."
"How dare you."
"Calm down. The page was hacked"
"I think this is scam."
"I'll never support gay marriage"
There was a lot of anger and confusion in the comments.

Today, while researching this post, it turns out that the owner of the page, Louis J. Marinelli is actually behind the sudden change of the core message on the page. Today, there is a new photo, too. (Shown above)

I'm not quite sure if Marinelli came out of the closet. But it is very clear that he has chosen to support marriage equal rights.

I don't know how many people defected from the page, but it still has over 282,000 fans. And something very odd is happening on that page.

Visitors to the page who have left posts on the wall are very supportive - and they're not all gay, lesbian or bi. Even the very religious are showing compassion.

This incident's initial reaction shows how virulent the prejudice is to gay, lesbian and bi individuals in our society. Homophobia still reigns. It will probably never go away, just like we will always have racism and violence toward women and children.

None of the above are right or just.

If you would like to join the conversation, you can search Facebook for:
Protection of Marriage: One Man, One Woman or try this link.
Initially, it looked like the Facebook Protection of Marriage page was hacked. Hysterics did ensue. But compassion followed. Maybe that is what we can settle for as progress.



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Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Dancing With The Stars 2011 Week 6 Results | Who Was Eliminated?

DWTS says good-bye to Chris Jericho.
Dancing With The Stars 2011 Week 6 showed that a low score from the judges needed a lot of fan voting to overcome dismissal. Who was eliminated? Sadly, WWE wrestler and rocker, Chris Jericho and his partner Cheryl Burke.

Tension grew as the three couples in jeopardy were the three that scored the lowest on Monday night’s Performance Show.

Grouped on stage were Ralph Macchio and his partner Karina Smirnoff; plus, Kendra Wilkinson and her partner Louis Van Amstel; along with Jericho and Burke.

Wilkinson was declared safe, and the spotlight focused on Macchio and Jericho. Macchio will dance another day on DWTS.

Who was eliminated from Dancing With The Stars 2011 on Week 6 Results Show? A really nice guy that wrestles and rocks – Chris Jericho.
 
As a side note... Trying to find results and updates for Dancing With The Stars 2011 is very hard when you use search engines. You get results from past years and past weeks that are not relevant to what you are looking for. Even if you type in very long questions, it's still hard to get the right results. 


To avoid that hassle in the future, bookmark this site. I write about every Performance episode and every results episode. The posts appear within an hour after the show is completed in the Eastern Time Zone. 


So, if you want the latest on Dancing With The Starts 2011, come back. I'll have it, because I love the show, too. 

Week 6 Performance Show: Dancing With The Stars 2011 | Two Leaders April 25th

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Cooking With Habanero Peppers Is Economical, Spicy And Dangerous

Habanero Peppers add economical heat to dishes.
With the high cost of everything these days, any place you can save a few bucks is a good place to go. The next time you want a little extra heat in your food, look for the bright orange Habanero peppers. Watch out, cooking with Habanero peppers is economical, spicy and dangerous.

I love food that has a kick to it. I regularly use yellow Hungarian hot peppers or Jalapeno peppers in dishes that I cook. But pound for pound, those peppers are getting expensive.

Where I shop, all of the peppers are $3.99/pound. I make a large kettle of rice or pasta on a weekly basis and want it to have some heat. Using the Hungarian peppers provides heat, if you use enough of them. The same applies to the Jalapeno peppers. Habanero peppers are tiny and just a few will pack more punch than a pound of the other two peppers.

The heat in peppers is rated on the Scoville Scale. Jalapeno peppers and Tabasco have a rating of about 2,500 to 8,000 Scoville Heat Units (SHU). Hungarian peppers are slightly less piquant.

Habanero peppers have a rating of 100,000 to 580,000 SHU. Police grade pepper spray is around 5,000,000 SHU.

For pennies, you can add a few Habaneros to a dish and get lots of fire. But be careful when you are preparing the peppers.

In all peppers, the seeds and veins of the peppers contain the majority of the heat. You can remove the seeds and veins to tame a pepper down - but we're looking for economical heat here - so leave them in.

If you have very delicate skin, you may consider wearing surgical latex gloves when cutting up Habanero peppers. If you do not wear protection, make sure you thoroughly wash your hands for several minutes with warm water and soap after handling chopped Habanero peppers. A quick splash and rinse will not remove the oils from your skin.

If you are sauteing the peppers with onions or garlic, be very cautious about the steam and vapors rising from the pot. You can burn your eyes, nostrils and lungs. Sounds fun, doesn't it? ;)>

Heat from peppers tends to increase the longer they are cooked. It will permeate the dish with more intensity as time goes on, too.

Even though my concoctions are a bit dangerous to prepare, everyone that loves heat loves these dishes.

I've used Habaneros in a dish I prepare that is brown rice, onions, garlic, Habaneros, lemon zest and juice, white Hominy, peas, yellow corn, cumin, oregano, salt and pepper. It's fabulous.

I've also used the Habaneros with my basic red sauce - Large can of tomato sauce, large can of tomato puree, one or two cans of tomato paste, garlic, onions, oregano, basil, rosemary, salt and pepper. Add a can of water for each can of tomato products you put in the pot. Simmer uncovered for 30 minutes or more. Oh, is this good.

If you're looking for a way to cut back on your food budget, cooking with habanero peppers is economical, spicy and dangerous. Don't go potty until you've washed your hands - over and over and over. FYI - it can be real bad... :(

Related articles:
Best Breakfast Special In All Of Cleveland - Only $2.99
Cooking With Habanero Peppers Is Economical, Spicy And Dangerous
ALDI Offers Low Low Prices But Limited Selection

Recipes: Spicy Rice and Beans
Georgio's Pizza Offers The Best Pizza Deals In Northeast Ohio
Stop Executions. Kill Prisoners With KFC And Mickey D.

McDonald's Menu No Longer Offers The Best Fast Food Deals
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FDA And USDA Will Decide If Vegans Should Be Banned Or Eaten
How To Make Friends In A Black Neighborhood When You're White

Best of My Funny Blog Posts


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You Just Have To Watch It. Absolutely Incredible !!!!!