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Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Moammar Khadafi Fled Libya To Start Reality TV Show

"Time to go Barry. I hear you play golf."
After 42 years of brutal dictatorship, Moammar Khadafi's reign has finally come to an end. Rebel forces secured the capital of Libya, Tripoli, and then stormed the Khadafi compound. However, the dictator was nowhere to be found. Sources tell us that he's missing because Moammar Khadafi fled Libya to start a reality TV show.

Through a secret contact, we were able to Skype with the deposed dictator and interview him about his past and his plans for the future.

"How would you like to be addressed?"

"I have no address. Can't you see? I've been kicked out of my palace."

"No, I mean, how would you like me to refer to you?"

"Cool Daddy."

"Are you serious?"

"Look at me. Don't I reek Cool Daddy?"

"I guess you do."

"What you want to know about me, the Cool Daddy?"

"First, there has been some confusion about the correct spelling of your name. In some reports it is Khadafi. Others, it is Gahddafi. In another report it is Gaddafi. And then there is another alternative, Quadafi. Which is correct?"

"All of them. I used different last names and changed my image every couple years to shake the foreign press. How do you think I stayed in power for 42 years? I was able to reinvent myself as a different person. The world thought there were many different leaders in Libya, but all along, it was me. Ha, ha!"

"But no one was fooled. We knew it was you all along."

"No you didn't."

My general look. Note sunglasses. I can double as a doorman.
"Yes we did."

"Then, you must have been fooled by my many looks. I am a master of disguise."

"How so?"

"Well, early on, I wore my general's outfit everywhere. People thought it was a military dictatorship. That worked for about ten years."

"What look did you take on next?"

"The no hat, crazy hair look. Everyone thought I was Tom Jones for about four years."

"Seriously, Tom Jones?"

"Oooops, my mistake. I looked like an old Englebert Humperdink. Oooops again. Old Englebert Humperdink, that is an oxymoron. Ha, ha!"
No hat period. Very few recognized me.

"No, I think you call that redundancy."

"Excuse, please, my English is not as good as I would peruse."

"You mean, prefer?"

"Sure, whatever you say."

"What was your next look?"

"Then I tried a very good disguise, a sheep herder look. That was fabulous. My own staff would kick me out of the palace. I would have to take off the hat and say, Look, it is I, Cool Daddy. This is the one I suggested to Osama bin Laden, but he would not listen. He wanted to go around with that nasty beard and his bed sheets. It was easy for Americans to track him down. Then he cried like a baby when they killed him. I don't think the virgins had any respect for him in Heaven. Even Allah was mad at him for being such a wimp and not fighting a final jihad. Fool, that bin Laden."

"Do you really think that would have worked for him?"

This sheep herder look worked great for years.
"It worked great for me. When your own wives and male sex slaves don't know who you are, how can the world be knowing me by face and name. That is when I started using the Q in my name. Change a hat, change a letter, Hey! New dictator. I created an illusion that I was not in power, but I still was and no one knew."

"We all knew."

"That is what you say, but I have proof you were fooled."

"When the Americans bombed my palace, I was in Miami on the beach and no one knew. Is that good or what? My huge collection of sunglasses helped with that move. You Americans are such fools. Blow up my house and I'm sipping an umbrella drink in Miami. Fools."

"Your most recent look is what the world is most familiar with. How did you come up with that?"

"I took my guards and staff to JoAnne Fabrics and just bought various bolts of fabric. A little draping here and there, a Cool Daddy hat and voila - I'm the hippest dictator in the known universe. Hence the name, Cool Daddy. It fits like old shoes with no soles, eh?"

"Now, what is this we hear about you starting a reality TV show?"

"Yes, marvelous idea. I got it all from watching Kim Kardashian. I plan to call my show, Running With the Khadafi's."

My latest creation from JoAnne Fabrics. So versatile.
"Running with the Khadafi's? What will it be about?"

"Well, as you know, I have a few hundred thousand people after my ass. I will be on the run for many years. So, the show will follow me on my run from justice. We'll have great footage of me in a Motel 6, near Miami. I love Miami. Then I'll go to Mt. Rushmore and sit on Lincoln's nose - always a dream of mine. I plan to take in the sites in Washington D.C., too."

"Washington D.C.? How are you going to get away with that?"

"You forgot. I am a master of disguise. I may pull out my general's uniform and get a job as a doorman at a swank hotel. Very upscale. By day, I hold the door, by night, I live in the penthouse with all the money I swindled from my camel dung populace."

"You can't get away with that?"

"You want make bet? I was dictator for 42 years. I killed. I stole. At times the Americans liked me. I had better jokes back then. Famous people from all over the world have come to see Cool Daddy. And through all of that it took these camel dung eaters to finally get mad enough to fight me - 42 years later. What a bunch of fools. You're all fools."

"But you're on the run now."

"No I'm not. I'm headed to JoAnne Fabrics tomorrow to buy 600 yards of new clothes. You'll see. I can even buy magazines at Wal-Mart and no one will recognize me. It's the sunglasses and the hats. Cool Daddy has this all down."

"What other plans do you have for your reality show?"

"I want to get one of those pictures they take at Disneyland where you are going down the hill on the roller coaster, and I want to be flipping the bird at the camera. I plan to send it to Obama as a lovely parting gift. He'll be run out of Washington in 2012, so then we can hang together. Cool Daddy likes Big Barry. Big Barry has always liked me. He calls for fashion tips all the time."

"You can't be serious."

"I am. Mobarek in Egypt would not take my advice on hats, sunglasses and fashion and look what happened to him. Cool Daddy knows what is going on and I can't wait to get on TV."

There you have it. The deposed Libyan dictator is still crazy after all these years. He has big plans, as soon as he gets back from JoAnne Fabrics. And now we know that Moammar Khadafi fled Libya to start a reality TV show.

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