|Energizer Bunny jailed for non-payment of child support.|
Since 1988, when the unemployed and nearly washed up pink bunny landed the contract to be the Energizer Bunny, he has wracked up millions of dollars in endorsement deals. He's also been very active off-camera, purportedly fathering over 2,700 baby rabbits and 1,500 human children in the last 23 years. Almost all of the mothers have attempted to collect child support from him in 22 states, with no avail.
A country prosecutor in Ohio said, "This guy thinks he can just hop around the law. We don't care if he's rich. He needs to put that drum down, face up to his responsibilities and write a few thousand checks."
Some of the mothers, who live in small cages on farms and in holes in the backyards of ghetto homes came forth and are willing to testify against him. "He better get his hoppy ass in line and start payin' up. He need to sho' me da money and stop wit all his whorin' round."
A really angry bunny remarked, "I's tol my sista - You ain't go no business messin' with those pink bunnies. You need to get yo sef a nice white bunny wit a car and a job. Pink bunnies ain't nuthin' but playas, beatin' that drum all hour of the night. Who wants that kinda pink trash in yo house?"
Another mother said, "He make a fool out me. I thought he was for real, but he just a lyin' fool. I wanna cut his little nuggets off and teach that pink bastard a lesson. You just can't trust pink bunnies. They be all talk an no action. I got mouths to feed an he out drummin' with a bunch of hoes all night long."
"We plan to prosecute him to the full extend to the law," said the prosecutor.
Bugs Bunny was reached for a comment, "Ayeeeeee, What's up doc?"
"Can you tell us what you know about the Energizer Bunny and his failure to pay child support."
"Ehhhhh, frankly, I don't speak for pink bunnies. They're different than the rest of us. I did see him on a corner, pretending he was blind and trying to shake some money out of a rooster. Dumb cock almost gave him some cash. That's all folks."
When the Energizer Bunny was jailed he said he was broke. Apparently, he owes the IRS about $6 Million in back taxes. An IRS spokesman said, "This bunny is a bad dude. He's run out on all those kids. But at the IRS, we don't care about kids, we get our money first. So, those little bunnies are just going to have to wait."
The Energizer Bunny's attorney said, "My client is innocent. He says that most of the female rabbits are just gold diggers and they're looking for a quick payday. I'll prove that he's not even the father of these thousands of bunnies and babies."
An animal rights activist said, "Bunnies usually don't live that long, and quite a few of the Energizer's offspring have died. We may have to dig up a lot of backyards to see what we can find and if we can produce DNA links to establish paternity. But, from our perspective, rabbits are highly sexually active and this is bound to happen. It's a natural thing and I smell payday for a lot of bitter bunnies."
Peter Rabbit could not be reached for comment, he was being chased by a farmer.
Two former Playboy Bunnies came forth, "You think those rabbits have issues, we each have four kids with really big ears and we can't buy shoes for the freaks. That ruthless bunny is going to pay. I'd like to take a battery and shove it up his..."
"Well, OK... we get the picture."
The Energizer Bunny did make one comment,"Those hoes just want money. You tell them I'll send 'em all a bag of carrots and they can shut the hell up."
Energizer is scheduled to appear in court this coming Monday to face initial charges. This could be a landmark case in child support. High profile figures bring a lot of public attention to issues. And the Energizer Bunny being jailed for not paying child support should raise awareness and benefit a lot of little bunnies and children.
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