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Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Oprah Buys Heaven. Demotes God.

"Everyone is getting an all expenses paid trip to Heaven!!!"
You've probably heard the cliche, "He/she has more money than God." Well, with the launch of her network, OWN, Oprah Winfrey finally has more money than God. Today, Oprah bought Heaven and demoted God.

Oprah's OWN network has allowed her to leverage up her market value and she blew right by the Almighty in terms of assets and overall net worth. After Oprah purchased Heaven, she demoted God, but did it in a really nice way that made a lot of women cry and order her books on Amazon.com.

God said, "You know, I don't mind being demoted. The only thing that bothers me is that Oprah won't put The Bible on her book club. Otherwise, I've really gotten tired of running the universe. People are just plain nuts. I guess I'm the one to blame."

How so, we asked?

"Well, I blew it with Moses. I gave him TEN Commandments. I could have given him thirty, no one is following them. I should have stuck with my gut feeling and kept it to ONE commandment."

And what would that be?

"STOP IT."

What?

"That's right, STOP IT. Stop the greed, stop the killing, stop the abusing women, stop abusing children, stop the wars, stop cruelty to animals, stop the Vegans, stop the Tea Party, just STOP IT! It's all my fault. I thought Mo could handle Ten Commandments. He tried, but it never caught on the way I had hoped it would."

What are you talking about? Christianity and Judaism are still huge.

"But no one follows those commandments. They BS everyone they meet, but I know what goes on behind closed doors. And we all know every human being on this planet is two clicks away from porn on the Internet. I Am God, ya know."

Oprah sent God on a much needed vacation to Hawaii. Now that Oprah OWNs Heaven, there is talk of a God channel, so the Creator won't be out of work too long.

Someone finally did it. Oprah buys Heaven and demotes God. STOP IT! You're killing me.

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