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Friday, May 13, 2011

Twitter Blames Service Interruptions On Too Many Morons With Smartphones

Twitter interruptions caused by morons with smartphones.
Anyone who frequents Twitter has seen the blue whale pop up, stating that Twitter is over capacity. When Twitter first started, this was common and it was due to too much demand on the capacity of the system. Within a minute or two, the problem was resolved. Now, the whale is surfacing more often than Moby Dick and the delays in service are longer. Twitter blames the service interruptions on too many morons with smartphones.

Before smartphones, you had to actually have a computer or a laptop to get on Twitter. Eventually, you had to leave or at least go to the bathroom. Now, with smartphones becoming ubiquitous in our society and around the developed nations of the world, Twitter users can tweet non-stop, and much of it is nonsense.

Trending topics that were labeled with the Twitter hashtag (# sign) were often interesting, timely or educational. Yes, there were some frivolous, silly topics that made it to the top of the trending charts. But now, almost all of the top hashtag topics are overrun with morons. The Tweets make no sense. Illiterate Tweeters use butchered English and spelling. And the content offers nothing of any value, except to a few friends of the Tweeter.

A Twitter spokesman said, "Yes, morons have purchased smartphones and now they think the whole world cares that they are eating a sandwich, smoking weed, getting laid, cutting school, getting drunk, bought a black market gun, hate another race, hate another religion, or that they're actually funny.

We've seen an uptrend in Twitter accounts with 46,000+ tweets that are following the 2,001 maximum until your followers exceed 2,000, but only have 22 followers. Obviously, no one cares what these morons have to say. C'mon 46,000 tweets and 22 followers? Let's get serious."

Other groups that clog up Twitter are the polarized religious and non-religious fanatics. Christians love to taunt Atheists and Atheists like to form gangs and beat the crap out of the Christian or Christians. You can find the same imbalance of Tweets to followers with mainly the Atheists. It's not uncommon to find an Atheist with 64,000 Tweets and about 1,100 followers.

Another group that slows Twitter down are the porn peddlers. They open and close multiple accounts in a day. You'll get a tweet with 9 @names listed in it and a link. Invariably, if you click on the link, you get a woman performing  oral sex on a man. If you check the sender of the Tweet, they have no followers, are following one person and have 635 tweets. If you go back to the account a few hours later, it does not exist.

Speaking again to the Twitter spokesman, "Our biggest problem on Twitter are the morons. They're highly uneducated, live in poor neighborhoods, think they can become famous by Tweeting or are rap moguls. Just look at the trending hashtags and you'll see what I mean. Sheer stupidity.

Most of the Tweet maniacs are young. They must not have jobs or no interest in a job or are not paying attention in school. Who has that kind of time to Tweet that often? Before smartphones, the answer to that question was no one. But now that morons everywhere have smartphones, we have to put up with them clogging up the pipes and shutting Twitter down."

Until we can get the morons to slow down with their tweeting and their mindless trending topics, we'll have to endure more blue whales. Not even Captain Ahab can kill this one. 

And there you have it, Twitter blames Service Interruptions on too many Morons with Smartphones.

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