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Friday, May 27, 2011

A Funny Look At How To Survive Writer's Block - A Journal

This writer suffers from writer's block, too.
All writers at some point find themselves staring at a blank page or a blank screen and have no thought as to what to do next. Writing's soul is creativity and imagination. However, there are times writers are not inspired, their muse has gone on holiday, their minds seem to fill with mud. It can be a painful process when hours of staring create absolutely no results. I, too, get stumped every now and then, but not often. Here is a funny look at how to survive writer's block - A Journal.

[My thoughts will appear bracketed and in italics]


10 am - Today I will write an inspirational piece on the heartbreak of psoriasis.

[Hmmmm. 10:20 am. I think I need to clean my monitor.]

[Psoriasis, psoriasis. Hmmmm. Should I do some research? Let me give it some thought.]

[Let me try something....]

12:35pm - The Enter/Return key works.

So does the    s  p   a   c   e       b   a   r   .

[All this thinking and sitting is giving me a rash on my behind. Maybe tomorrow, I'll use that as a launching point for my piece on psoriasis.]


2pm - Maybe working in the afternoon will help.

[2:45 pm Sure looks nice outside today.]



[4:17 pm Maybe I'll check out The Onion. A laugh will do me good.]

[5:14 pm Psoriasis, psoriasis... I'm going to try Google to see what I can find on it......OK... type in p-s-o-r..... how do I spell psoriasis? Where's my dictionary app? ......  OK.... there it is.... I'll copy and paste it into Google....... I am just fogged today. What were the shortcuts for copy and paste?...... I guess I can just type it in...... p-s-o-r-i-a-s-i-s ......ENTER.....  OH, CRAP.... look at that stuff! It's hideous. Why did I pick this topic?....  I'll have to get a new topic, this is too gross.]

6:45 pm - I'm exhausted. Time for dinner. I'll have a new topic tomorrow.


7:30 pm - The dusk and darkness might inspire me. I've decided to write about the effect of whale flatulence on greenhouse gases and climate change.

[7:34 pm I'll get right to work. Whale flatulence, whale flatulence? There must be some papers published on it somewhere. I'll try Google again....  w-h-a-l-e  f-l-a-t-u-l-e-n-c-e..... ENTER.... Damn, the only thing that comes up are articles from and The Onion using whale flatulence as an adjective regarding the president's last speech. Maybe, I'll phone a friend.]

8:05 pm - Call to Bill at library.

"Hey Bill, do you know anything about whale flatulence?"

"Why would I know anything about that?"

"You work at a library."

"I got this job because I dropped out of college and I was a sociology major."

"Got any ideas for a good topic? I'm trying to write something for my blog."

"Why don't you just copy and paste something from The Onion?"

"I can't do that, that's stealing."

"Sorry, can't help you. I have to finish putting books away until the library closes."

"Thanks anyway."

[8:48 pm I never noticed that my left baby toe is larger than my right baby toe. Hmmmmm.... I need an idea.]

[9:30 pm I type better if I clip my nails. I think I'll do that.]

9:55 pm - Clipped nails.

10:30 pm - Checking TV Guide. To possibly write about a popular show.

10:45 pm - Spell check test...

dandelion  or  dandylion   (second one is wrong)

[11:15 pm - The Tonight Show comes on shortly.]


10:07 am - Coffee, good breakfast, ready to write today. Still need a topic.

[10:45 am There sure is a lot of dust around my computer and the keys are dirty. I'll clean everything up, that will give me time to think.]

[1:38 pm....Let me try this....]


1:46 pm - All the keys work.

[3:49 pm .... I think I need to check something else.... ]



[4:22 pm.... Maybe I'll open up Google Adwords and check out some keywords.... .... ENTER..... Keyword Tool.... Now... let's try a few words....  Chocolate.... Hmmmm, 20,400,000 global searches a month. Kinda broad. Ha... look at the related keywords...there are just as many people typing in chocolate chocolate and the same number for chocolate on chocolate ...... must be suicidal diabetics looking for those subjects.... Maybe I'll check trending..... That's odd. You'd think Valentine's Day was the most popular time for chocolate searches, but it's Christmas. There could be a story there....  But it's May.... too late for Valentine's day.... too early for Christmas....  Time for a new keyword..... Hmmmm..... TIRES.... ENTER.... same thing. Idiots are typing in tire tire and tire tire tire .... over 9,000,000 searches. Don't these people know that Google gets it the first time. Like repeating it gives them better info..... OH.... look at this.... discoutn tires has 1,000,000 searches, globally. DISCOUTN ????? We have 1,000,000 dummies out there that duplicated the same typo? Some people shouldn't have computers..... OH, well..... tires seem boring.... I'll find something tomorrow.]

6:03 pm - I'm hungry. I'll get this going Friday. Friday is always good.


12:14 pm - I'm ready to go. I'll start with some free association...





Need to try phrases...

Lifting heavy weights

Riding a bike off a cliff

Guns are loaded in the house

Sarah Palin naked


[I wonder if Osama bin Laden is really dead? What if his body floats ashore. Did he wear conventional underwear?]

3:33 pm - Need a break.


8:22 am - Fell asleep yesterday. Weekends are good for me. I need to just feel the keys on my fingers.

adfa;kljalf aj;ldkfjaeia ehwhklahhkldasf eioadh aoean;n; ayey3y3 234827qwenno adpasbxcxl; 'alkju slaindls .lorem ipsum ahahahaha... I almost had it.... alfaja;l euysl paiie;; .... hjl;sokennsy.l

[Oh yeah, baby, that feels so good. Give me more. Let me stroke you some more.]

auaaen asdfoas;l;dlem dkop'ipczmmepo904 a4ej aew4jkus9s elajsdfh;a 3a8alsldlh ckhja jalshasna;lkejr ahsivlklzc;lkjvaklk adaien;al apaej'ajnha

[9:45 am Wonder what the Option key does?]


[9:56 am That's interesting. May have a use for that stuff.]

5:31 pm - OK... I've had enough. I'm going to steal an article from The Onion and just paste it on my blog. My readers won't know. I've worked hard and I'll call it a week.

If you work on doing the work, you'll get through the block. I hope you enjoyed a funny look at how to survive writer's block and my Journal.

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1 comment:

  1. Yes! Know the feeling(s)! Sometimes swimming through treacle would be easier.


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