|"Hey kid, slots in Vegas are much better."|
According to the suit filed by Denise Keller, a real estate agent and mother of two, CEC Entertainment Inc., owners of Chuck E. Cheese, are running a gambling hall that is no different than the slot machines in Las Vegas.
Kids use tokens to play games of skill or chance and are awarded tickets that they can redeem for prizes.
This woman knows nothing about the real crime that is being perpetrated by Chuck E. Cheese, and she knows absolutely nothing about Las Vegas and slot machines.
Chuck E. Cheese sells lousy pizza and charges exorbitant prices for what amounts to a cracker with some tomato sauce and cheese on top.
Then, the games require piles of token to win tickets. The prizes that you can buy for 25¢ at any dollar store eventually cost a parent about $30 each. There is the scam. Plus, the games are hard to win. They require a great deal of skill, timing, and luck. A Las Vegas slot machine requires an object propelled by gravity to make it work. You could take a severed head and slam it on the button over and over and that is all the skill you need - object - gravity. But Las Vegas pays out better than Chuck E. Cheese.
Keller's suit claims that Chuck E. Cheese is a training ground for Las Vegas and gets kids over-excited about winning jackpots that pay off in wax lips.
What's next? School lunch counters are identical to the buffet at the Imperial Palace in Las Vegas. You wait in line for crappy food and still have no idea what it is you are about to eat. That is closer than Keller's slot machine analogy. So, sue the school system for the bad food.
Part of her $5 Million suit is a request for damages. What, did this dummy blow her retirement account and all her real estate earnings on bad pizza and plastic spider rings?
Chuck E. Cheese should be sued over the fact that it makes kids comfortable playing with rats. These are life skills that will certainly get them rabies, if they live in the inner city.
President Obama, in an effort to keep his approval rating up, which surged when he killed Osama bin Laden and Barney The Dinosaur in one week, ordered Keller killed. Seeing that each burial at sea gets him about 10 percentage points of approval, Obama sent in the Navy Seals to kill Denise Keller.
"We shot her twice in the ass, trying to get a bullet in her brain. It worked.
We strapped her body to an unidentified male whale and let him deal with disposing of her remains."
Chuck E. Cheese is a noisy, nightmarish, dump that sells over-priced food and lousy pizza, then rips off kids by getting them to pay 400 times the market value of the prizes that they win. Comparing this activity to Las Vegas is an insult to Las Vegas and gaming in general.
Las Vegas Mayor, Oscar Goodman, is already planning a counter suit. But it's a little hard to sue a dead person who has become shark chum.
Today's headlines includes: San Diego mom sued Chuck E. Cheese for $5 Million over running illegal gambling halls. Navy Seals moved in and killed her.
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