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Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Poor Little Buzz Won't Be Humping The Hedgehog Anymore

Buzz in action. Hedgehog identity concealed for legal reasons.
My sister has a cute little Yorkshire Terrier named Buzz. He's a hyper dude, constantly running around and acting tough. One of his favorite activities has been humping a stuffed hedgehog that is the same size as him. But yesterday my sister had him neutered. Poor little Buzz won't be humping the hedgehog anymore. 

I have no idea how old Buzz is. I think he's about 3. Normally, you get a dog fixed while it is still relatively young. My sister waited a long time. During the wait, we've been regularly entertained by Buzz's sexual appetite.

He'd grab this stuffed hedgehog, which looks like a football with eyes, nose and a tuft of hair on top, and drag it over to someone's shoe. Not just anyone's shoe - only my sister's shoe or my shoe. For some reason Buzz felt he could be less inhibited with either of us.

After dragging the hedgehog to one of our shoes and positioning it just right against the shoe, Buzz would mount the stuffed toy and start humping away. And we're not talking normal humping. We're talking "been smoking meth all day" humping. It was like a 7,500 RPM pneumatic drill. I think I actually saw the stuffed hedgehog smile.

When Buzz was in full Viagra mode, he'd pound away at that submissive slut of a hedgehog until, well... his doggie wee-wee popped out... and Buzz is one hung dude. He could satisfy a German Shepard and be asked back for more.

The problem was that Buzz couldn't get off on the hedgehog. No matter how much his little ears flopped back and forth, no big reward for the little guy. Then, with his wang a hangin' he'd stand frozen for about 10 minutes with this look on his face like, "WTF do I do now?" Sorry, I wasn't going to give him a hand with that one.

After being paralyzed and dazed for 10 minutes, he'd resume normal activities for a while and then start sniffing around for the hedgehog. I have to give it to the little guy for stamina.

But now the Buzzer has no nuts. And my sister hid the hedgehog so he wouldn't have flashbacks or try phantom Fu%^ing the hedgehog. We told him the hedgehog was run over by a truck and the roadkill was buried in a closed casket in the backyard.

I can't imagine what goes through an older dog's head when they whack off his nuts without warning. I mean, no therapy or saltpeter or happy pills to make him forget about the gonads and go on with his life. I actually feel sorry for the little guy.

We're just pissed that no one could come up with a video camera to tape the humping and pumping. If we'd have put it on YouTube, it would have gone viral in 24 hours. 

As of Tuesday, poor little Buzz won't be humping the hedgehog anymore.



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1 comment:

  1. Poor little sad-sack,I bet you could trace his roots back to bagdad. I guess now when you say "Come here Buzz" he gets really confused and thinking"That used to mean something..." poor guy, I am glad dogs cant talk, we would probably never do that to animals ever again.

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You Just Have To Watch It. Absolutely Incredible !!!!!