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Friday, May 20, 2011

My 10 Year-Old Daughter's Story About Her Sumo Wrestling Hamster


The love of my life.
My 10 year-old daughter and I live 2,300 miles apart. It's horrible. But I couldn't control what happened to me and I had to leave her behind with her mother in Las Vegas. We spend a lot of time on the phone and make up crazy stories.
One day, we started joking around about a hamster that was so fat, it should be a sumo wrestler. I told her to write the story up and email it to me. Here is her story, unedited. It's too cute. I thought you'd enjoy it.

I have a hamster that can talk and is one thousand pounds and should be a sumo wrestler. I tell her to start a wrestling match but she says, “Shut up you lousy salmon head!” If she won’t be a sumo wrestler, then I will! For the next 5 weeks, I will eat 10 pounds of candy, 5 pound of beef sticks, 20 bags of chips, and 50 cans of beans. KABOOM!!! I had explosive diarrhea!

Now I am a sumo wrestler that is five years old and it 5,000 pounds! I weigh more than my hamster!!! Before I start the match, I go to the store and but my strapped colorful diaper for the match. Ouch!! OW!!! The diaper is giving me a wedge! Also I need to eat one of everything in all the fast-food restaurants in the U.S.A. I am ready to begin! Since I’m so fat, I win every match.

When I finish the matches, I go to the doctor to make sure I’m ok. Today the doctor said, “You need to stop eating so much junk food or you will have to suffer the consequences.” “What are the consequences?” I said. The doctor ran out a huge list of things that will happen to me.

•High Blood Pressure
•Serious Bone Loss
•Diabetes
•Internal Bleeding
•Brain Tumors
• Heart Attack
•Muscle Failure
•Explosive Diarrhea
•Nuclear Gas

“If you want to loose weight, you must eat healthy and exercise every 6 hours,” said the doctor.
  
For the next 3 months, I will loose 4,940 pounds so I will be 60 pounds. After 3 months pass I might be still fat. I will go to the doctor and have surgery and remove the Jell-O-like meat off my body.

3 months later… Now I am 60 pounds and had no surgery but someone did… My HAMSTER!!! She looks like bubblegum because they had to shave her to get the fat removed. There was so much hair, it wad higher than Mt. Everest (plus the fat)!! Poor thing. Well, I don’t need to suffer the consequences. And I’m glad I’m not a sumo wrestler because I would embarrassed! I would also not get that much ladies on my shoulders. Also, being a sumo wrestler really hurts because the diaper is too small. Well, I need to do tell my dog to stop eating or he will end up like my hamster! 

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