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Sunday, May 1, 2011

Mass Suicide Was The Cause Of Sudden Drop In Facebook Friends

Did my Facebook friends drink the Kool-Aid?
About three years ago, when I was aggressively playing Mafia Wars, my Facebook friends exploded from 500 to over 3,500 in two months. Then, after a two week respite from my computer, I came back and noticed that 250 friends were gone. The only thing I could think is that mass suicide was the cause of the sudden drop in Facebook friends.

Working like the government, without facts or in a state of reality, I had to make a determination on this sudden drop in FB friends. Mass suicide was the best explanation.

It couldn't be because of my profile picture. Look at that face. I mean look at that face. Don't you just want to pinch my cheeks the way my mother always did? Try it and I'll have to slap you.

Another theory was alien abduction. But that was scrapped when only 5% of my friends were Latino.

Turmoil in a third world country was also considered. This would have been a government silencing of Internet usage for a revolting populace. But, at the time, the third world was rather peaceful.

Simultaneous murder was also on the table, but large deaths like that only occurred in Biblical times.

I also considered the Indonesian tsunami. But I think that the dates don't match up.

Suicide - it had to be.

But what was the cause? I thought, maybe it was my fault? Were my status updates that bad? Did a group get together and say, "Roger is driving us nuts with his moronic status updates, we must all die." ?????

I really think an Asian wing of my huge mafia told everyone, "You either go over to MySpace or drink the Kook-Aid." I know that weak hearts palpitate at the thought of going over to MySpace. I wouldn't make my worst enemies go to MySpace.

So far, the Asian-mafia-MySpace theory has the most legs. It will be generations before we have enough fossilized remains to confirm this.

Until more evidence surfaces, mass suicide was the cause of sudden drop in my Facebook friends. It was rumored that they were also early-adopters of Bing. Beware.


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