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Saturday, May 14, 2011

I Want To Marry A Lesbian

Hot Lipstick Lesbian. My future wife.
After two failed marriages, I had to do some soul searching about the possibility of a relationship in the future. Based on the past and what happened there, I had to look in new directions. Much thought has gone into this decision, but I want to marry a lesbian.

There are several reasons why this is the best choice for my overall mental health. First, if I marry a lesbian, I'll know EXACTLY why we're not having sex. No more guesswork - Did I buy the wrong flowers? Was I too aggressive? Was I too early? Didn't she like the wine? Why aren't those ruffies working?

With a lesbian, the sex issue is plain and simple. "You will never get laid and that's because I like girls." Now, that I fully understand. I don't have to keep second-guessing every move as I'm working on hours of psychological foreplay and romantic innuendos or sexual overtures. "You ain't getting laid. Not now. Not ever." Whew, is that a load off my mind.

However, I do hope my lesbian wife cheats on me....  at least where I can see it.... or poke a video camera out of the closet door.

The next question is, "What kind of lesbian do I want?"

Initially, I was thinking to go for a lesbian that was heavy on the butch side. I figured she'd probably make a great addition to our bowling team and she might be able to do most of the home repairs. I'm not very handy, so a chick that knows her way around a pneumatic nail gun actually gets me hot.

Going butch also allows me to engage in my passion for cooking. A big bulky butch lesbian would be a good eater and my self-esteem would rise with each meal I prepared.

Butch lesbians also tend to find very feminine partners - this is where the cheating request starts to pay off.

But then I started to waiver on an all out butch lesbian because she wouldn't be anything to look at. That's when I shifted to looking at effeminate lesbians or Lipstick Lesbians - attractive women who act like heterosexual women, but prefer girls. And if my athletic shapely lesbian wife wants to cheat, she will probably cheat with some really hot babe or babes. I'll need to buy a larger memory stick for my video camera.

Having a lesbian as a wife would be great because I'd get to go to all the hip lesbian bars. The place would be packed with gorgeous women that I couldn't pick up, even if they were all heterosexual, but I'd get to look at them all and have great conversations with them.

It sure beats hanging out in a bar with a bunch of angry guys. All they talk about is how they're going to get laid, but never do. Or if they do.... Ewwwww.... the farm animals they settle for would make a good horror version of Farmville.

So, I think I have my plan down. Lipstick Lesbian - Athletic - Hot - with lots of hot horny friends - plus, I need to get more memory for my video camera. And that's why I want to marry a lesbian.

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1 comment:

  1. LMAO, that was a good read, that made my day Roger. Kind of thought provoking depending on your p.o.v


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