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Thursday, May 26, 2011

Moms - Take Control Of Your Young Kids In Public Or I'll Squash Them

Screw you Mom. I'll do what I want!!!
I'm into my eighth hour of working on my blog and some marketing at a dumpy coffee shop with WiFi near my house. It was nice and peaceful all day. Then, three women showed up with their kids. Two of the girls are teens and look bored to death. The other two kids, a boy and a girl about five years old are busting my eardrums. Moms - Take control of your young kids in public or I'll squash them. 

This is driving me especially crazy because I'm tired and hungry. What you do at home is your business. If you want to let your kids run around, climb the walls, stick the cat in the toilet, pitch salami slices like Frisbees, pee on your carpet or spit on their food, then go for it. But when you go to a public place, IT'S NOT YOUR DAMN HOUSE!

The kids are running back and forth the entire length of the coffee shop. They're spitting on their hands and touching the stacks of cups that will be used to serve customers over the next couple days. GROSS. Their dimwit moms are just chatting away like everything is just fine. IT'S NOT!

I grew up in a generation that said, "Children should be seen and not heard." When we went out in public, we were like little soldiers, until we got the green light to let loose. But in public places, the light was always red and we were told to "BE QUIET or I'll give you something to cry about."

We ran around the homes of my aunts and uncles. We were family. But in a coffee shop, you're freakin' annoying strangers. Have some respect for the people around you.

I don't dare say a word because I'm outnumbered. There are four mindless women and two teenage girls. I'd be eaten alive if I said something. Women are dangerous when they run in packs. There would only be pieces of me on the sidewalk if I let out a peep and said, "Could your kids tone it down, just a tad?" Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....

I'd rather jump in a shark tank wearing Lady Gaga's Meat Dress.

It's hard to keep kids quiet for a long time. I know, I have a daughter that is 10 now.

Her mother and I always made sure she had an activity to keep her occupied, when we went out in public places - a doll, a coloring book, a book to read or be read to her, a small craft project - something. We never turned a blind eye to her and let her take over the iHop and run around like a wild child, screaming and touching everything in sight.

We had our rough moments. On a plane ride, her ears must have popped or not popped and she cried for a long time. We got a lot of angry looks for that. Hey, it's what kids do and we were helpless to change the situation until she was ready to calm down.

Another time on a plane, when she was a baby, as soon as we sat down in our seat up against the bulkhead, she launched a gallon of projectile vomit over bother her mom and me. We had to sit through a five hour plane ride covered in barf. When we landed, the flight attendants removed the seat from the plane.

In both cases, we're talking about a baby, not a kindergarten aged child without restraints.

There are games at this coffee shop. There are puzzles. There are coloring books. But running around without anyone even looking at them is what seems to be the choice of the parents. People like this shouldn't be allowed to breed.

I'm not against kids playing. They should be able to run and scream and laugh all they want. That's why God created parks with swings and things that they can fall off of.

But parents need to understand that they live in a world with other people. They can't transfer the mindless chaos they allow at home to public places and have everyone endure their lack of child discipline. I bet their homes look like dumpsters inside - at least, I hope they do. There kids shouldn't be allowed to trash a public place and then go home to a clean house. I want them to wallow in their own waste. Sorry, I'm TIRED... and I'm HUNGRY.

Here, I'm stuck at the mercy of a bunch of dumbass parents. Fortunately, I'm going to leave very soon and leave these dopey women and their screeching kids.

Running around I can tolerate, to a degree. But the little girl lets out screams that make my ears feel like they are going to crack into a thousand pieces. And she's been doing it over and over and over for about 90 minutes. What fun.

I wish I had an air horn to go up to these women and blast in each of their ears until the canister ran out. 

This is the price I have to pay when I use free WiFi access. But none of the other places are like this, ever.

All I can say is, Moms - Take control of your young kids in public or I'll squash them. Where's the air horn?

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