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Saturday, May 28, 2011

Harold Camping Really Blew It. Rapture Rescheduled For October 21st.

Harold Camping's followers waiting for the Rapture.
The whole world watched and waited for the Rapture to occur on Saturday, May 21st, 2011, predicted by Harold Camping. Tick, tick, tick... No Rapture. Everyone was asking, "What happened?" The truth is: Harold Camping really blew it. But he says that the Rapture will happen on October 21st of this year

Since the Rapture did not go off at 6 pm PDT as Harold Camping had predicted, he and his family have been inundated by media inquiries. His phone rings all day long. There is such a cacophony of questions bombarding him, he took his family to a motel where they have access to a TV and 24-hour porn.

We did get a chance to speak with Camping for just a minute.

"Why didn't the Rapture go off as predicted?"

"Well, our calculations were off."

"Why is that?"

"We used a bunch of Bible College math students to work up the numbers from the Bible and those dummies don't know how to add or subtract. All they can do is repeat Bible verses all day. I thought one of them had the May 21st date nailed, but it was his birthday and he kept repeating it during our brainless sessions."

"Don't you mean brainstorming sessions?"

"No, brainless is what I said and what I meant. We try to suck all of the reasoning out of people before we can fully teach them the truths buried in the Bible."

"Interesting tack.... So why do you think the Rapture will commence on October 21st?"

"We found we could do some cross-promotion with Oktoberfest. And who wouldn't enjoy a fat bratwurst and a cold stein of beer right before the Lord comes and takes us away?"

"You know, a lot of people are highly disappointed that there was no Rapture. In fact, a lot are suffering from Post-No Rapture Depression. How should people prepare for the Rapture in October?"

"Oh, you can't prepare. I declared all churches in the world the work of Satan in 1994. Only people who were saved before 1994 can be taken up by the Rapture."

"But what about all the people that were born since then? They don't have a chance?"

"Nope. God is not merciful. That's all marketing rubbish by the Christian mega-churches - the ones that don't wear people out with guilt about sin."

"Sounds quite depressing."

"I don't make the rules. God does."

"But you're the nutcase that predicted the Rapture TWICE and you were wrong both times."

"God and I have a margin of error. He knows. I know. That's enough for me."

"Sounds rather theocratic?"

"Whatever that word means, I'm not that, because I think you were trying to make fun of me."

"I don't need to try and make fun of you, you are really good at making an ass out of yourself all on your own."

"You'll see. Come October, I'll be there wearing my Lederhosen, munching on a brat, swilling a beer and praising the Lord. I might even get some potato pancakes and a little sauerkraut."

"This all sounds so warped and twisted. I don't think God has any connection to you and I think He'd be happy to squash you like a bug."

"Can't hear you. Can't hear you. Can't hear you."

"Now, that is a mature response."

"Can't hear you. Can't hear you. Can't hear you."

"I guess we're done with our interview with Harold Camping. We'll all be doing something different next time the Rapture is supposed to happen. Although, those brats sound real good."
So, Harold Camping really blew it. But Rapture is rescheduled for October 21st, 2011.

Related articles:
Harold Camping Predicts End Of The World May 21st. Pack Light And Wear Clean White Underwear.
Las Vegas Bookmakers Taking Bets On Harold Camping's End Of World Prediction
NO RAPTURE. Now I Have Post-No Rapture Depression
What IS Heaven Like? Our Images Make No Sense
God, Where Are You? No Sightings Since Jesus Left

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