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Sunday, May 29, 2011

Bluetooth Earpieces For Phones Don't Make You Invisible | We Can Still Hear You

We can see you and we can hear you.
Bluetooth technology has made it possible to drive and carry on a hands-free conversation on your cell phone. However, some people wear their Bluetooth earpiece day and night. Some of them are on the phone all the time and it makes sense. Others, I sense, are wearing it to look important. You may be one of them. Regardless of why these people wear their earpiece all the time, they need to know that Bluetooth earpieces for phones don't make you invisible.

I'm sure this has happened to you. Someone is standing behind you and you hear them say, "How are you?" Turning and saying at the same time, "Fine, how are you?" and then realizing they aren't even talking to you, they're talking on their snazzy Bluetooth earpiece.

What annoys me with these people is that they are even louder than the people who talk on their cell phones all over the place. For some reason, the Bluetooth users feel like they have to puff out their chest and blast their mindless conversation all over the place.

Whether they're using Bluetooth or not, I'm still in awe of the kinds of conversations that people have on their cell phones - right out where everyone can hear it.

I've heard people cuss out their kids, a nurse grieving over just finding out someone, maybe a relative, died, people that can't get their credit card to work talking to the credit card company, people talking about the sex they had last night with whoever it was they was doing it to and more.

These people must think they're invisible. Well, they're not. And someone should tap them on the shoulder and say, "Eh-em... do you know you're broadcasting all'a your stuff all over da place? You ain't invisible."

I used to have a phone with a Bluetooth earpiece. I only used it in when I was driving or the person on the phone wanted me to do something like use two hands to type on my computer or when I was required to write things down from the conversation.

Now, I have a cheap-o phone and it doesn't have Bluetooth, but I still have an earpiece. Just for fun, I put it on and walk around having fake conversations in public places, just to freak people out. I'll give you a few examples.

AT THE GROCERY STORE

"Hey, glad you called."

[FAKE PAUSE FOR A RESPONSE]

"No kidding. What do you mean you couldn't find it?"

[ANOTHER PAUSE]

"Yeah, all the money is in the paper bag under the porch, right where I said it would be."

[PAUSE]

"The whole $10,000 is in the bag. Did you leave the dope?"

[PAUSE]

"What you mean you don't know where I stay at?"

[PAUSE]

"OK, my place is at 1275 E. 118th St., the big brown house with the unlocked Caddie in the drive."

[PAUSE]

"Alright, bro. Thanks for calling. I'll holler later."


That one usually gets a lot of eyeballs turned my way.


AT THE BANK

"Yo, Cletus."

[PAUSE]

"No, I don't do bank jobs."

[PAUSE]

"Kevin Morris is the one that knocks off banks. You want his number?"

[PAUSE]

"You got a pen?"

[PAUSE]

"His number is 216-555-7645. You got that? 216-555-7645."

[PAUSE]

"Yeah, if you short on cash, he's the man to call."


[PAUSE]

"Love you, too."


This type of call usually makes my exit from the bank rather lengthy, but it's fun to show them that my Bluetooth was toothless and not connected to a phone.


AT WAL-MART

"Larry, so glad you called. Did you hear the news?"

[PAUSE]

"You ain't gonna believe this, but I hit the lottery yesterday."

[PAUSE]

"Yup, $12,000 big ones. I got the ticket right here. Gonna turn it in later today."

[PAUSE]

"Oh, I'm at Wal-Mart buying some Skoal."

[PAUSE]

"Yeah, we gotta have a party when I get back with the cash. Just hope I don't lose this ticket before I get to cash it in."

[PAUSE]

"You know I got you covered. Get some ice for the beer."


[PAUSE]

"No, you da man. Cya."


This usually gets me jumped in the parking lot. But it's fun.


AT A RESTAURANT

"Sheila, so glad to hear from you. How you been, baby?"

[PAUSE]

"You are still hot for me, eh?"

[PAUSE]

"I got to take you out for some good food and a little after dinner desert, if you know what I mean."


[PAUSE]

"I'd take you to this place, but the food is nasty here. I found bugs in my salad."

[PAUSE]

"I said I FOUND BUGS IN MY SALAD."

[PAUSE]

"No, I'm pretty sure the bugs were dead. But I wasn't going to eat any more of them."

[PAUSE]

"I think they have rats in the kitchen here."

[PAUSE]

"What with you, girl? You got a bad connection? I SAID I THINK THEY HAVE RATS IN THE KITCHEN HERE."

[PAUSE]

"Don't worry, I'll take you to a nice place when we goes out."

[PAUSE]

"Ok, baby, keep that muffin warm for your daddy."

[PAUSE]

"Yeah, love you, too, baby."


This move usually gets me a free meal or an escorted exit from the restaurant. In either case, I never pay.


ANOTHER RESTAURANT CONVERSATION

"Hi, Gloria. How's everything?"

[PAUSE]

"Oh, please don't tell me that. Please don't tell me that."

[PAUSE]

"I can't believe she's gone."

[PAUSE]

"How did she die?"

[PAUSE]

"Oh, that's awful. They was moving her piano with a crane out the second floor window and the cable broke?"

[PAUSE]

"And the piano just squashed granny like a bug?"

[PAUSE]

"Oh, Lord. Please let this not be true."


[PAUSE]

"You know granny was my whole life. OH, LORD, DON'T LET IT BE TRUE."

[PAUSE]

"How's the piano?"


[PAUSE]

"OK, I'll be at your house later to help make the arrangements."

Start crying uncontrollably. Put your head on your plate. Wail. You'll get a free meal and a gift certificate to hold the funeral dinner at the restaurant.

Now, it's up to you to have some fun fake conversations with your Bluetooth earpiece. Be creative. Just remember, Bluetooth earpieces for phones don't make you invisible.

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1 comment:

  1. ..yeah well, it's nice to get one of those signal jammer things and have fun at their expense.

    no more boom box for the meantime. :)

    ReplyDelete

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