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Thursday, May 19, 2011

Barack Obama Gives Middle East 90 Days To Leave Earth

Obama orders Middle East off Earth.
Speaking in Washington regarding the turmoil and fighting for democracy in the Middle East, President Barack Obama expressed the true feelings of the American people and gave the Middle East 90 days to leave Earth. 

"We have had enough of your crap. You fight like mindless animals. And there is no end in sight."

The press corp applauded.

"You backward ass people have been fighting for thousands of years. Nothing makes you happy. We kill one terrorist, and another pops up. And you're all a bunch of freakin' liars. C'mon... bin Laden living in Pakistan for five years and not ONE of you fools could figure that out. If it wasn't for that 4th grader in Virginia that spotted him with Google Earth, we may never have been able to kill him.

And what is this mindless crap coming from his family - We broke international law by killing an unarmed man? Give me a break. Can I remind you that he killed nearly 3,000 UNARMED Americans on 9/11. I don't care if Osama bin Laden was sitting naked on the toilet playing with his wiener, we were gonna kill the bastard.

So, Pakistan - you're a bunch of lying fools and we aren't going to send aid to you anymore.

As far as the people of Afghanistan, tough shit. We have wasted over a Trillion dollars to help you sand scums to fight an oppressive group like the Taliban. But you hide them in your homes, you cover their tracks. You don't want to have anything to do with democracy. You fix elections. Karsai is an Al-Queda puppet. He's taking money from us and from the Russians, and we both look like fools - although, it's not hard to make a Russian look like a fool.

As far as Iraq goes. We're done. We've spent too much blood on a country that is so incompetent you can't even come up with decent school crossing guards. You morons flunks SAFETY PATROL. How are you going to defend yourselves? Well, the United States of America doesn't give a rat's ass about you and your people anymore.

Saudi Arabia - What a bunch of phonies you've turned out to be. You have billions and billions in oil wealth and your people are walking around in bedding. You preach strict Islamic law to your people as your leaders are partying in $10,000 a night suites in Las Vegas, filled with hookers and booze.

You and all the OPEC nations are messing with oil prices by turning the valves on and off, just to manipulate the cost of gas and torture the American people. You do this in light of the fact that none of you can sufficiently defend yourselves and you need us to save your stinky asses every time there is a conflict in the region.

Libya can go fuck themselves. We've tried to get crazy Moammar to leave. But you didn't want that. All of a sudden, you hate the guy. It took you dummies 30 plus years to figure that out. And now you want our help. What good would it do? Your rebels are unorganized morons wasting all your ammunition by shooting in the air 24/7. Then you say, Where are dee bullets? Dumbasses.

Syria's just as stupid as you, too.

And all this fighting with the Palestinians and the Jews. Palestine shoots rockets into the West Bank, Israel builds more settlements. One of you has to figure out that you're playing a game of He poked me, wah... No, He poked me back... it's stupid and has gone on too long.

That is why, the United States of American is done with all your mindless backward shit and we are evicting you from earth. You have 90 days to leave the planet. I don't care of you want to use our retired space shuttles, camels or go on foot, but you'all gotta go. And if you don't, we'll be glad to reduce our nuclear weapons surplus by sending them through the air to you, ASAP.

So get your sun dials and stone calendars out and mark down 90 days from today. And you better not leave the place a mess, otherwise you won't get your deposit back.

We don't care what planet you go to, just GET THE FUCK OFF THE EARTH. You've done nothing to improve mankind. You don't invent anything except IED's, your health care is filthy and inadequate, you can't feed your people, you only have oil and you screw with the rest of the world because you have it. So FUCK YOU GUYS and get out."

The press corp was shocked. Two reporters passed out.
This transcript of the president's speech has not been approved by the White House and really didn't happen because our leaders do not tell the truth. If you believe in truth, pass this on. Thank you.
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