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Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Ugly Tattoos Make Investing In Tattoo Removal A Good Bet For The Future

"I love NASCAR, duh"
At first, the giant bleeding skull on your left breast and the vomiting Virgin Mary on your right breast seemed so cool. Now, your mirror tells you daily that they were big mistakes. Your ugly tattoos make investing in tattoo removal a good bet for the future.

I never understood the tattoo craze. When I was growing up, the only people with tattoos were ex-Navy men. Their stories were all the same, "I got really drunk in Malaysia during my tour and I wound up with this." A fox with a dagger in its forehead was his penalty for a night of drinking.

Tattoos were never something one seemed to choose freely. It was either the alcohol or peer pressure from other sailors with tattoos that got a person inked.

Then, suddenly, tattoos became a fashion rage.

I understand the concept behind some of the skin art. A person might want to memorialize a lost loved one or their parents or children. Maybe a special event or achievement in their life needed to be permanently emblazoned on their abs. Those kinds of tattoos I kinda get. It's the weird, sick, bad, confusing, ugly tattoo mosaics that people have applied to every inch of their bodies.

And what benefit is having an ugly tattoo on your back? You can't even see it without a mirror.

My friend Sal had a crude cross tattoo in the palm of his hand that he did himself. He said that when he went through hard times he wanted to have something to hang on to - that tattoo has a deep meaning to Sal and has probably saved his life many times. But a tattoo of Donald Duck having sex with Porky Pig means...????

I thought ugly and weird tattoos were limited to the young and foolish. In Las Vegas, people of all ages were getting tattoos. I met a 70-year old clerk at Wal-Mart who had a beautiful rose on the inside of her right forearm. On her left forearm, she had a giant penguin cartoon. OK. She said she liked penguins and everyone called her "Rose" - whatever you say lady.

Tattoos that splay across a woman's lower back and skirt just above their butt crack have been called "Tramp Stamps" - yet women still get them - and they are still ugly tattoos.

I find a woman's navel to be extremely sexy, until they encircle it with a starburst that looks like a special cut from a mattress ad in the Sunday paper. Oooooh, you just went from a 10 to a 3.

Tattoos below the navel, and I think you know where I'm talking about, are a complete turn-off. I know where I'm going. I don't need directional signs and advertising along the way.

To me, the human body is beautiful just the way God made it. It doesn't need improvement or colorful adornment.

All of this ink will someday turn to regret. "What was I thinking during that inking?" As a result, ugly tattoo removal should be a booming business in the future.

Removing tattoos will be done for a lot of reasons. For some, it will be for their careers. Corporate America has never embraced tattoos and never will. Many companies have as part of their corporate dress code, "No visible tattoos." If the tattoo is on your back, you're safe. If it's on your wrist, neck, forehead or any other part of the body that can't be covered with clothing, you'll have to get it removed or face dismissal. Your only way to avoid tattoo removal is to convert to Islam and wear a burka and veil to work. Might be kinda strange if you're a guy. 

Tattoo removal will be a big business in the future. Since I'm not a licensed stock broker, I can't pass out specific stock picks to take advantage of the tattoo removal boom that is looming. But I can give you some ideas. You want to look for companies that make dermatological lasers. Sales of these should be up. Also, look into publicly traded dermatology centers that offer tattoo removal. There may be stand-alone tattoo removal centers in the future, too; you want to keep an eye out for those.

Tattoo removal works for small tattoos and is worth the cost, however, if you are trying to remove two arms covered in demonic sleeves, you'll be looking at a major investment that could be five times what it cost to get all of that ink.

I never understood the whole tattoo craze. Still don't. But someone is out there looking in a mirror and thinking their ugly tattoos will make investing in tattoo removal a good bet for the future. A better move than they made in their past.

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