hospitalized. At my lowest levels, I've contemplated suicide. Obviously, they didn't work. If you are thinking about suicide, read this, then call 9-1-1. These are bad ways to commit suicide.
My first attempt involved buying a gun and one bullet.
It was a rubber bullet and I wound up with a lump on my forehead the size of a Texas State Fair corn dog. I looked like a unicorn. Kids actually played ring toss with my head.
My next attempt involved sticking my head in the oven.
It was an electric oven. I burned the hair off the back of my head and needed some skin cream. But the pizza came out great.
Then, I tried pills. I ate three bottles of pills.
They were Flintstone Vitamins. I peed a rainbow for about six days and even pooped out a couple Pebbles.
Next, I tried jumping out of a window.
It was a basement window at my house. All I did was mess up the flower bed.
I'd heard of carbon monoxide poisoning. So, I sat in a running car for 14 hours.
I was in a Wal-Mart parking lot. All I did was run out of gas and had to have my car towed.
I tried hanging myself in a closet.
The closet rod broke and all my clothes fell on top of me. I had a gym shoe lodged in my ass for two days.
I won't even tell you what happened when I ate the four boxes of laxatives.
Suicide is a serious thing. It is selfish and hurts many, many people around you.
If you feel you suffer from a mental illness, you might look into joining a group.
If you're still committed to ending your life, try one of my bad ways to commit suicide. You'll still be here tomorrow, but you might have something to laugh about for a lifetime.
For help with suicide prevention, click here.
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