Bad Ways To Commit Suicide | Proven Not To Work

Over the past several years, I've suffered from serious bouts of depression. I was even hospitalized. At my lowest levels, I've contemplated suicide. Obviously, they didn't work. If you are thinking about suicide, read this, then call 9-1-1. These are bad ways to commit suicide.

My first attempt involved buying a gun and one bullet.

It was a rubber bullet and I wound up with a lump on my forehead the size of a Texas State Fair corn dog. I looked like a unicorn. Kids actually played ring toss with my head.

My next attempt involved sticking my head in the oven.

It was an electric oven. I burned the hair off the back of my head and needed some skin cream. But the pizza came out great.

Then, I tried pills. I ate three bottles of pills.

They were Flintstone Vitamins. I peed a rainbow for about six days and even pooped out a couple Pebbles.

Next, I tried jumping out of a window.

It was a basement window at my house. All I did was mess up the flower bed.

I'd heard of carbon monoxide poisoning. So, I sat in a running car for 14 hours.

I was in a Wal-Mart parking lot. All I did was run out of gas and had to have my car towed.

I tried hanging myself in a closet.

The closet rod broke and all my clothes fell on top of me. I had a gym shoe lodged in my ass for two days.

I won't even tell you what happened when I ate the four boxes of laxatives.

Suicide is a serious thing. It is selfish and hurts many, many people around you.

If you feel you suffer from a mental illness, you might look into joining a group.

If you're still committed to ending your life, try one of my bad ways to commit suicide. You'll still be here tomorrow, but you might have something to laugh about for a lifetime.

For help with suicide prevention, click here.

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